Training Procedures

with Amanda

Amanda says: This discussion group is not just for Dominants.   A submissive can always take on their own training.  It helps you become better prepared for that day when you find that perfect Dominant.  Natural ability and desire can only take you so far.  Being a good slave is hard work! it takes reading, training, and effort.  Online, the main emphasis is on the sex slave aspects, but that is only part of being a slave - there are many roles you can take on.  You may specialize in just one, or you may take on several.  You can be a sex slave, a ladies maid or valet, a housekeeper, an escort, a secretary.  Every slave is going to have some things they do well, and some that take a bit more work. 

Communication between the trainer and the submissive is VITAL.   A slave must be able to express themselves, with quick and intelligent and thoughtful answers.  No Dominant wants to ask a question and get nothing back but a blank stare.  One of the simplest and most effective training aids to develop a slaves communication skills is the slave journal.  This is a journal that the slave writes in EVERY SINGLE DAY..without fail.   It teaches them discipline.  It teaches them to express themselves.  Most important, it tells the Dominant just what is going on inside
their head.

What do you put in your journal? Well, that's different depending on the Dominant.  It could be your thoughts about the training exercises.   How you feel that day...how you feel about your submission...how you feel about your Dominant...how you feel about yourself.  It could be 20 minutes of sitting there and writing over and over 'I hate this stupid slave journal,' which also tells the Dominant something about you <grin>.

Rebecca says: A journal is a great place to ask and answer questions when the subbie has troubles expressing him/herself.
Amanda nods to rebecca, a VERY good point.  Its a place you can say things you may be uncomfortable expressing out loud

Amanda says: Most Trainers don't ask to see the journal every day.   They may ask once a week, or more.  It is important however that the Trainer does give feedback on the journal.  You don't have to discuss every single point if you don't want to, or even answer every question...but at least acknowledge that they were asked.  Let the submissive know that you ARE reading it, that you are hearing them.   It's REALLY helpful for telling the Trainer where the sub's head is at. 

Amanda says: I have kept a journal on several occasions.  Going back and reading what you wrote months, or even years later....can be very embarrassing, but it's valuable to see how much you have grown and how your needs and direction has changed.  I have always kept journal entries as an online document.   That way I can just email it to the Trainer whenever they ask for it.

Amanda says: Another aspect of a slaves training that is very important is how well they can anticipate the needs of their Dominant - and their Dominant's friends.  This is something I have a hard time with <sighing a little>.  Anticipation is hard....but it REALLY impresses a Dominant.  Having that drink ready for their hand before they ask for it...the ashtray under their cigarette just as the ash grows too long...their footstool under their feet.  Little things that the Dominant might not even notice...but will appreciate.  I have a couple of exercises that can help you practice your observation skills because anticipation is, after all, just being a really good observer of everything around you.  These exercises can either be done by yourself, or with the aid of your Trainer.

Amanda says: In one exercise, you simply sit....quietly and uninterrupted...for 5 minutes.  Everyone can spare 5 minutes right?  Close your eyes, and LISTEN...as if you were listening to music.  You can almost feel your sense of hearing expand.  Set a timer or something...and when that 5 minutes is up, open your eyes and write down every single thing you can remember hearing.  This will not only help your concentration, but it will help your recall, not to mention being REALLY calming and soothing to the soul.  The exercise helps you to focus, to become aware of your sense of hearing, its range, its ability to discern between sounds.

Amanda says: Another exercise in concentration and observation.   Go to a busy public place...a mall perhaps  This is a great exercise to do with your Trainer,but you can do it alone as well.  If your Trainer is with you, try doing this one blindfolded.  Don't worry about the stares, just tell people you are student working on a dissertation.  Close your eyes and using all of your other senses, locate the person nearest to you (other than your Trainer).   What can you say about that person?  Can you identify their gender, age, ethnicity?  Listen to their voice, what they say, their diction and grammar.  Listen to the heaviness of their tread.  Are they wearing perfume, or some other scent?  Try to describe that person in as much detail as you can manage.  Then open your eyes and see how close you came.  This exercise helps you use your senses to their fullest.  It also shows you the limitations of those senses.  It helps you notice the extent to which your assumptions influence your perceptions.  We all have little biases...identifying them is the first step toward getting rid of them.

Tyler says: Another method of building your observations skills can be done visually.  You look at a picture, or out a window.. for example.  Look out of your office window at the street, or out your front window at the house across from yours.  Just study it, for about a minute or so.  Then walk away and write down everything you can remember about it.  Was there a firehydrant? A hanging plant? What color was the plant?  What kind etc... it is oft used in police and other security training operations.  You can, contrary to what you may be thinking, look at the same place many times (and I recommend you do).  When you do, you will notice that you are beginning to see things there that you did not notice before.  It is very enlightening.

Amanda says: Another thing that every slave wants to be...and almost always is online....is graceful, with a lovely lilting voice.  Voice training is something that you can get professionally...but there are simple ways to at least become aware of what you sound like when you speak.  A simple cheap way to help you voice train yourself is to record yourself...during a long phone conversation with a friend for example.  Long enough so you forget the recorder and stop being self conscious.   Then listen to yourself....how often do you say 'um' or 'like' or 'you know.'   Little verbal tics that can be very annoying to a listener.

Amanda says: As for becoming more graceful....this is one of my favorite exercises.  The Trainer can prepare this for you, or you can do it yourself.   Make up a list of commands...things like 'come here' ,'go', 'attend', 'present', 'open', 'down', 'worship', 'wait.'  Decide for yourself, or discuss with your Trainer just what position you should be in for each of those commands.  Be very explicit.   Have your Trainer make a tape recording..or make one yourself....that repeats these commands, with long spaces between them.  Vary the order of the commands, and the length of time between them.  Perhaps repeat some of the commands in quick succession.   You can then practice, over and over, responding to these commands, moving gracefully and quickly from position to position.  Let's face it, most of us are NOT that graceful in person!  How many of us can move from a kneel to standing in one graceful fluid motion?  Not me, that's for sure.  Suppose your Trainer wanted you to go from flat on your belly to standing on your toes...how would you do that gracefully?  Try carrying out the commands both kneeling and standing...both naked and clothed.  See how much difference having high heels makes <grin> or a tight waistband!  Performing the exercises helps you think about every little movement...and practice them.  Not to mention adding great realism to your online scenes.

Amanda asks: We are often asked to bring something to the Dominant in our mouths, right?  Ever played catch with a dog?  Remember him bringing that ball back positively SOAKED with saliva and how you felt trying to pick it up?  Practice picking up and carrying small objects in your mouth.  Learn ways not to drool all over them.  Try picking things up without using your hands, just using your mouth.   Try carrying them both walking and crawling.  In no time you will be the epitome of grace and style and your Trainer the envy of every other Dominant!

Amanda asks: Have any of you ever been asked to serve your Dominant as a maid or waitress?  Serving them tea perhaps, or food, or drinks?  Serving these things well is NOT as easy as it looks.  So.....<all together now....> PRACTICE it!  Get a big tray...silver is nice, but silver is heavy.  You might want to start with something lighter.  Put cups and saucers, glasses, etc on the tray. Just leave them empty at this point.  Now practice carrying the tray and setting it down.  Can you do it without a SINGLE sound? not a rattle, not a clink?   Once you can do that, then try filling the cups and glasses with water.  Can you carry and serve a cup without sloshing a single drop of water into the saucer?  By the way, you can add an even simpler first step to this and that's carrying the empty tray. You have to be able to set the TRAY down quietly before you can set a loaded tray down quietly.  Finally, try carrying the tray in one hand and serving with the other.   Its very possible that you wont be able to do this.  Don't look at that as failure...look at it as learning your limitations.  Everyone has them.  If you cant carry and serve at the same time, its good to know that. Instead, you practice setting the tray down and serving, one at a time, perhaps with a lovely little curtsey.   Amanda exclaims: Curtseys are hard too by the way.  Practice doing those in one simple graceful fluid movement!  Go to a busy restaurant and watch the waiters and busboys.  See how they handle those trays...nothing wrong with stealing tips from others! 

There are a million things you can learn from reading...and a million books out there to read.  Books on how to do ALL of these things, from good sex to keeping a budget.  If you are owned or in a formal training situation, talk to your Trainer about what your duties will be.  Then read about those subject...why make mistakes that other people have already made?  Learn from their experience.   It's never a waste of time to work on these things.  Not just for your life as a submissive either.  Being more graceful will make you more confident.  Being more confident will help you in your job, and in any other public situation.

The question has been raised, "If you are training a submissive and they mess up....do you just let it go?"  In my opinion....no, not completely.   They need to KNOW they screwed up, first of all.  They need to know what to do to NOT screw up the next time.  BUT...they also don't need to be trashed for one little mistake.  You are there to Train them...not to have them be already perfect.   You WANT them to screw up, basically.  So...they do. and you correct them...kindly. The first time anyway.  It's a question of, did they screw up because they COULDN'T do it...or because they just didn't feel like doing it right?  Communication.   The Trainer is teaching the submissive how to please them...and the sub needs your input to learn that.  Willfulness is never attractive, but if someone tries...reward that effort.

Amanda says: I can't let the whole discussion go by without even MENTIONING the sex slave.  Sex is NOT something that people are just automatically good at.  Yes, it can be learned...not only how to please in a specific way, but how to perform a million things.  You can learn it from books, from videos...and from practice.  There is an *excellent* video on cock sucking...er..<cough>..I mean 'oral sex'...that I recommend highly
It's "Nina Hartley's Guide to Better Fellatio."  [Editor's Note:   The Iron Rose Store carries this video and others by Nina Hartley in the How-To section.]  Nina Hartley starts out with a very technical approach, using diagrams of the penis, and explaining exactly how things work.  She then demonstrates on a live model.  She makes the VERY important point that you do not have to shove a cock down your throat to give good oral sex.  It's really a wonderful video, with practical tips on ways to please.  Not to mention lovely to look at.  It finishes up with a rather hot little porno scene so you don't feel like you wasted your money.

Amanda says: I also have an exercise that you can use to help you develop some 'tricks.'  This is one that Dominants can do as well...who says they don't need training too?  List (or have your submissive list) 10-15 items, including body parts, that you can use to touch someone erotically.  Think about how each one could be used.  How it would feel on different body parts.  How it would feel if applied with varying degrees of firmness.  Have them put the list in their slave journal.  Not just the traditional 'feather', and things like that.  Things like your hair...a brillo pad...use your imagination.  Think of soft things, harsh things.   Then collect as many of these items as you can and put them in a box.  When you masturbate, close your eyes (or blindfold yourself) and choose something randomly from the box.  Touch yourself with it...your nipples, your face, your belly, the soles of your feet.  Think about how it feels.  Compare it to how you THOUGHT it would feel.  Now you have a LOT of input when you want to use this item on someone else.   If you have long hair...men always love that ....do you know how to use it effectively?  Or does it end up in a twisted mess sticking to everything?  Make it an asset!  Know how the other person feels when you touch them with a feather light touch.  They might not react the same way you did.  Chances are they WONT, everyone is different.  But you have a starting place, you know how YOU felt.  You can now compare that to their reactions...and you have learned something else about that particular item, and that particular person as well.  Good sex takes practice.   Even good sex can be boring if you never use your imagination.  There are a zillion books out there on sex.  Pick up a few that have good reviews and read them...you might learn more than you think you will.

Amanda says: Most of the exercises that I have mentioned tonight came from the same source; a book that is available at the IR store, and one that I happen to think is THE most valuable book that a submissive or a Trainer can own.  It's called 'Training with Miss Abernathy.'  It is positively STUFFED with exercises, reading lists, tips.  If you are sincere in wanting to improve your skills, its worth the purchase I promise you.  Amanda says: the book is subtitled 'a workbook for erotic slaves and their owners'  It's not just for Dominant, or just for subs..its for both.  I hope that this group has given you a few ideas, and a few directions to take your training that you may not have thought of.