How to Keep your Party from Being the Talk of the Town
with Rebecca

Rebecca smiles
Rebecca exclaims: Welcome!

Rebecca says: Basically, tonight I want to talk about ways to keep your party private.  Whether you invite one friend or many, there are some things that can keep your neighbors at a distance and give your friends some security and ensure everyone have a great time.  Snooping neighbors and cops can kill a great party.  A bit of planning and no worries. Rebecca smiles

Rebecca says: First of all, plan ahead.  What this means is know how many people you will invite. Say you want to throw a huge party. If it was a vanilla party, who knows how to get the neighbors to NOT call the cops on you?

Selaria says: invite the cops :)
Samantha exclaims: warn your neighbors ahead of time!
Ariannah says: Invite the neighbours.
Rebecca nods. Both inviting the neighbors works and so does warning them.

Rebecca says: However if it was a scene party, you don't want to necessarily invite George and Martha next door.  But do tell them you are having a party.  You do not have to tell them what kind of party.  Tell them it is a surprise birthday.  Whatever.  But let your neighbors know there is going to be a party.

Rebecca says: The best advice I ever got was to put balloons on the railing outside somewhere.  If you told George and Martha it is a party, tell them it's a milestone birthday party and place black and blue balloons out there.  Your scene friends will love black balloons...and they will be able to find the place. And george and martha will not be any wiser. Plus, IF the cops arrive...it looks like a party.

Rebecca says: When talking to your neighbors, ask them to call if any one parks in their driveway, etc. Or if the noise gets too loud. If you ask, chances are they will work with you.

Rebecca says: Tell your guests not to arrive in scene clothes....but you will need a place for them to change.  Be sure your guests have the right address and phone number.  Rebecca laughs.

Rebecca says: With finding a place to have people change, there are some other things to consider. For example, what will you allow at your party. For example, is it okay for someone to set up a horizontal disco on your sofa? Do you have a place for people to be private? Figure out what you are willing and not willing to deal with.

Rebecca says: Be sure you have the supplies needed for what you will and won't allow. For example, I do not allow smoking in my house.  I paid a fortune for the special filters on the furnace etc. But if I know I'm having smokers, I will need to set up a smoking area outside. Now, I don't want people to have to change clothes to go outside...and the neighbors can see my backyard on both sides. So I need to set up something for them so it blocks the neighbors view...and they can be comfortable. Tarps with clotheslines can be your friend here.

Rebecca says: Before your party....after you have things set up...you have your rules printed...etc. Turn on all your lights and take a walk outside. Can you see in any of the windows. Can you see any of the room at the sides? Now is when you want to know.
Changeling says: Think of views from high windows in nearby houses too.

Rebecca says: Scott Parker of NCSF tells of a scene where a guy had his gf tied up and having a high-ho time. They had music blaring, and he used a wax candle on her. And he was "shaving the wax off with a knife." The cops were called by the neighbors because of noise. While one cop was beating on the door, the other walked around the house. And he saw the woman tied up and the guy running a knife over her. Then the cop saw the knife move over her throat. He shot threw the window killing the guy. And if you think of it from the cop's point of view...he was just saving some poor girl.

Rebecca says: So do take the time to walk around your house. Changeling mentioned an important point too. High buildings. You can't walk to the buildings and look. But you can look all around your windows. If you can see out...they can see in.  It is easier to troubleshoot from the outside looking in...but if that isn't an option, go the other way.

Rebecca asks: Anyone have any great ideas to add so far???  Rebecca poises with pen in hand hoping for good ideas.
Ariannah asks: When are the invitations going out?

Rebecca grins. Invitations. Speaking of which. Know where and when you are sending them.
Prophet says: and how Know that your guests can all receive invitations the way you are sending them. And also, specify if it is just for the guest...and if they may bring someone. Personally, if it is at my home, I will totally control the guest list. Meaning if I don't know them...they don't come to my place.

Samantha says: if you are not having the party at your house.. be sure the place you are having it is informed of what it is.  The hotel we have our party at KNOWS.  I told them up front.
Rebecca nods. That's an excellent point. Samantha, would you share how you approached it and what was said?

Samantha says: I called the hotel and asked for the sales dept.  Asked them about party information - rooms, etc.    I told them we were planning a party - at least 20 people attending, and that it was a group from the internet getting together - that I wouldn't know all of the names, etc. and that it was BDSM themed.  I asked her if it was okay.  I went no further into explaining it.   She said she believed so..she would check into it and let me know.  

Samantha says: I kept it business like and said only what i needed to.  She checked it out.  Called back and said it was fine.  I don't believe you have to go into great detail saying..we are stripping flogging and beating people in there. People can know.. but you don't have to 'throw it in their face.'

Rebecca says: I agree with one caution: If you are going to have beatings going on, etc. you might want to warn of noise. Especially at a hotel/public place..

Samantha nods..i told them we would be noisy.  But I only said what i had to.  She checked into it and got back with me.

Rebecca says: I think that is the best plan. You do not want to say so much you end up with tourists.  Noise is an issue though.  Whether planning a party at home or elsewhere...or even just a one on one, noise can get to be a lot.  I plan my music for a party.

Rebecca says: Plan your music.  Music can do two things.  It can move a party along.  And it can mask a world of noises. You don't want to chose things that dominate the party.  You want people to dominate the party...not the music. Music can motivate people to get involved and let them know that the night is wearing on. But do pick it carefully. You want background noise. You plug in Jimmy Buffet, and people don't want to break out floggers. They will want to break out tequila.  Choose it carefully.
Rebecca smiles.

Rebecca says: Okay...now...here is a biggie.  Get someone TRUSTWORTHY to answer the door.  The idea is this.  You have a neighbor show up to ask you to turn it down...or is just curious.  Or the cops arrive. Uninvited and unexpected.  You want someone who can say, "I'm not the owner, but I will get him/her. Brb...then will tell someone to fetch you and that person will also tell others to cover up, clean up, dress...whatever.  You want someone cheery...nice...chatty.  You want someone who can say, "Oops...are we too loud? I'm so sorry. We *will* turn it down."  And you want someone who can say with heartmelting sincerity, "I'd let you in...but I don't have the authority to do that.

Rebecca says: If the person invites the cops in, they are in.  On that note, if they decide they are coming in anyway, that person MUST say, "I don't have the authority to allow you to come in".  It will help if there are any arrests made in court according to the NCSF.  That person should not try to block a policeman from coming in.  Ever.  

Rebecca says: Okay...about the police.  The reason not to block a policeman/woman is that if they are coming in, having someone block them nearly guarantees someone will be arrested.  Usually the person blocking.  If the person answering the door tells them they do not have authority to invite them in, but they will get the owner, it provides more protection in court for anyone who is arrested if they barge in.  Scott Parker advised that everyone needs to treat the cops like the dom(me)s. Period.  He contends that cops really just want two things: To ensure no one is hurt. And to ensure everything is consensual.  His advise is to talk with them at the door...and if they press, to try to stall long enough for people to cover up.

Oscen says: If there is nothing in "plain view" for the police to have cause to enter they shouldn't try to 'force' their way in...if you keep the entrance ways clear of anything they may feel is suspicious you should be ok....

Rebecca nods. That's an awesome point...and one that I forgot.  You don't want scening/nudity in plain sight of the front door.

Lavicka asks: but would nudity itself be reason for them to force their way in?
Oscen says: they cant enter or search wIt could, but if you have the owner explain that it is consensual they should understand...as long as no laws are being broken

Rebecca says: Scott Parker said that if the noise causes them to enter as they feel someone is being injured, there are ways to handle that too. He said that if they seem really worried...and they are in, to ask if they wish to talk privately with the subject who was shrieking.  Don't walk out of sight...but give them some space.

Amadeus says: A couple things that can help, based on my experience (working on the law enforcement side, not on the party side)... 1) Talk with the hotel manager up front. They can be of great assistance when talking with the police should anything happen.  2) If you're having the party in your local community, and you feel comfortable doing so, you can even consider contacting the authorities BEFORE the party, and letting them know what's happening. ONLY do this if you have never heard, however, of any reputation for the department "looking" for trouble.  This can ease concerns when they get any noise reports from the hotel.

Rebecca says: Scott says that the police really don't want to arrest people having fun...they just want to ensure everyone is safe.  He feels that as long as you can convince them of this, they will probably be on their way to tell their friends what they just saw. ;)

Amadeus says: Remember, though, if for some reason you hear the cops asking for backup... they may simply be wanting to share the "show" with their friends. ;)
Samantha says: Stay calm.  Remember to stay VERY calm.
Prophet says: Be sure you understand local law... just because it is consensual to you doesn't mean the state vs. you will see it that way
Rebecca says: Understand that you should know your community laws. Many places have laws prohibiting bdsm activities. Do stay calm...and support fine organizations like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, etc.
Oscen says: And try not to hide anything from them, you don't have to tell them everything but they will know if you try to lie.
Rebecca gets a plug in there.
Rebecca nods. Scott said that as well. Police will smell a lie.  Say you are having a party. Be calm.  Don't confess every little detail breathlessly. And try to reassure so they can get on their way protecting your car, home, etc.  Okay...last of all...after the party.

Rebecca says: Do NOT gossip about the party with those who were not there. This goes for the host(ess) and the guests.  Personally, if someone talks outside the circle of invitees and it gets back to me, they are not invited back. Unless it is okay with all concerned.

Samantha says: What you see here, what you say here, what you hear here, what you do here, STAYS HERE

Rebecca says: At BR2000, most people who mentioned me asked if they could mention me.  In their write-ups. I would hope...and I've assumed...that it is that way with everyone.

Amadeus says: OK, so I would take that to say, if you ARE going to write something, then always make sure with anyone you're going to mention, as well as the host/ess (even if they're not mentioned).

Rebecca says: I don't allow cameras at my parties...and I've never been to a party that did allow them at the event itself. I've been to events/parties that have staff photographers who would take your picture if you wanted a picture.

Samantha says: everything is done consensually.  At IROP - we ASK in the middle of the party   if you don't mind your picture taken, over here..if not.. over there.  most pictures for us are done vanilla if they aren't.. we get express consent  and we get consent AGAIN before posting them. thats as far as camera's on our side.    as far as writeups, etc  its all consensual.  we ask before we write.

Rebecca says: Most private parties that I've attended did not allow photographs.

Changeling says: Remind people to worry about what the people who develop the pictures will do, as well.
Samantha says: I don't. I am using a digital camera this year. on disk - no photos developed if there are risque pictures.. then i go to Kali's photographer that does her developing

Rebecca says: Getting them developed isn't an issue. Every city knows a good "discret" place to develop. That is the advantage of belonging to a group...and there is digital.

Rebecca says: Okay...last of all.  Clean up around your house where the smokers are.   Your neighbors don't want to look at a tarped lean-to and will be happier with your parties if you ensure that everything is returned to it's nice way of looking after.  And thank your neighbors for being..well, such great neighbors. :) After all, they deserve something for putting up with the noise.