This was an informal discussion, and to keep the file size manageable, some things have been edited out. - MK LaLaura says: Hi everybody :) Annabel looks around for an empty floor cushion Annabel kneels on the floor. Claudia blinks MistressKim gets comfy BlackKnight relaxes Voltaire says: Greetings, LaLaura. :) Joshua says: Waves to Annabel LaLaura relaxes on the chaise near the window Annabel smiles BlackKnight says: re Joshua Prophet exclaims: Howdy! Joshua re's wild says: greetings lalaura Snake says: yeah Rebecca kneels next to Prophet Hercules gets cumffy MistressKim sets up Sinead's stool MistressKim puts the issue of "Domme Quarterly" on Sinead's stool. Snake chuckles Sinead laughs LaLaura sips an ice-cold lite beer Sinead says: Thank you for remembering Cludge crawls into Snake's lap and listens Sinead climbs onto her stool and reads the adds Claudia curls up next to Snake and pulls JOrdannah close to her legs Snake mmms happily and cuddles with Cludge and Claudia Snake says: C&C :) LaLaura smiles happily Rebecca smiles at LaLaura morganna sighs wistfully LaLaura smiles back at Rebecca and winks Voltaire looks at his watch. MistressKim says: 2 minutes by IR time. Joshua takes a deep drag... Voltaire says: Wow...my time too MistressKim says: almost time Voltaire. Voltaire says: 1:45 actually Rebecca smiles. Voltaire spares the countdown hehe PA SYSTEM: Discussion Group in one minute in the demo_room! Snake sets off some fireworks for entertainment Claudia giggles Snake says: I make my own fireworks :) Voltaire counts Snake's fingers. LaLaura exclaims: thanks Snake! Joshua . o O (everyone's a bottle rocket) Snake says: Usually by cannibalizing preexisting ones Snake grins at Voltaire Snake asks: You think I stupid? I ain't the one who lights em. MistressKim gets up and stretches MistressKim exclaims: Iron Rose is proud to have Laura Goodwin join us tonight! Voltaire applauds. Simon claps. Claudia claps Voltaire nudges his pet. LaLaura grins at her audience encouragingly Cludge applauds and cheers Hercules cheers MistressKim says: Laura is the founder of United Leatherfolk of Connecticut. She's a very well-respected dominant, and highly recognized in the BDSM community. Bard cheers Shasha claps wild says: hmm..ohh... Snake claps by claping his hands on Cludge and Claudia's rears wild claps... Claudia acks Rebecca cheers morganna claps and cheers :) LaLaura exclaims: MsKim, aw, shucks! :) Prophet whistles loudly MistressKim says: Laura's chosen to have tonight's discussion group be informal...all I ask is that you please keep the kissy-face emotes to a minimum so we don't have to wade through your suck-face to hear what she has to say Cludge smiles MistressKim exclaims: you french-kissers, you KNOW who you are. get a room! LaLaura says: lol Snake grins Snake says: I just use tells morganna giggles at MK Sinead laughs Snake asks: That okie? MistressKim smiles. Welcome Laura! Voltaire , for some reason, thinks MK never has a problem getting her point across... Flame grins MistressKim grabs a chair and gets cozy Bard sits LaLaura asks: should I wait for questions, or give my schpeil? LaLaura exclaims: OK, I believe that being part of a couple is nice, but it's not enough. You gotta get connected, and I'm here to tell ya how! :) LaLaura says: Voltaire exclaims: Tell us how! :) Kerr grins LaLaura exclaims: Voltaire you betcha! Snake says: This ain't an infomercial :P Prophet wonders if a macro didn't work LaLaura asks: How many here are in a D/s relationship of any kind right now? Voltaire asks: Real or net? Voltaire asks: Or both? LaLaura says: Voltaire either LaLaura asks: I'm also interested in how many of you have real life D/s experience? :) LaLaura says: FYI, I have Mucho RL and cyber experience...we'll address both TheMaxx wonders when he can put his hand up... LaLaura asks: what do you guys want to talk about first? RL or cyber? LaLaura says: we'll get to both, for sure LaLaura says: Well, my experience started with RL, and was transferred to cyber later...some ppl go the other way... Snake nods Bard says: cool Rebecca listens LaLaura says: However you get there is cool LaLaura says: BDSM is an art, science, lifestyle, philosophy...many things Joshua nods... Joshua says: and adds the deepest of passions LaLaura exclaims: but no matter how you approach it, it's a social experience (if you're lucky!) LaLaura says: ppl who are alone in their fantasies are alone indeed... LaLaura says: I believe in combating the loneliness with connection LaLaura says: IR is a great way to do this, as is IRC, but there's much more...a whole universe of activity LaLaura says: The BDSM subculture is alive...worldwide...and it's waiting to welcome you. Simon asks: But how do we find it? Bard says: I started in rl.. playing... and then found that I liked it more than my wife... so while we play occassionally... that is it LaLaura says: Simon, online, you can start with a web browser and a yahoo search LaLaura says: Bard, I hear ya Simon nods - and will that lead me to places I can discuss it with people IRL? Simon asks: And perhaps more? Voltaire says: Not always....sometimes. Claudia says: problem is, there is nothing near me LaLaura says: Simon, you betcha...you can start with my web page (see my prof) Simon smiles. Amethyst nods in agreement with Voltaire Cheyain says: i have noone near me IRL that i can talk to about what I learn here LaLaura says: claudia, I hear ya, and will address that LaLaura asks: RE: online... what are your issues, ppl? :) Lili is lucky.. the bdsm "sector" isn't too hard to findwhere i'm at.. Bard asks: where is that Lili>? Amethyst says: working around conflicts with rl to be together online... Cludge says: knowing when to sooth and when not to during or after a scene Lili says: kentucky.. which might seem odd.. Cheyain asks: how do you tranfer from the net to real life ... when you can't even breach the subject? Kerr asks: Mmmm.. how about weeding out 'wannabees' or whatever with those who will commit and devote the time necessary? LaLaura says: the importance of feeling connected, and that you belong somewhere, can't be overstressed... Voltaire doesn't always feel connected through the net. Lynn agrees with Kerr Joshua says: you can try your local adult store for magazines which have club listings, and ad's to meet LaLaura says: the net can be perilous... Claudia asks: local? Lili says: there's an interesting club downtown.. dedicated to "alternative" sexual preferences. :) Bard says: how so LaLaura Rebecca says: You can also ask people you meet. Get the word out in the lair. You would be surprised to find someone who *knows* someone close to you. Traveller says: You could try connecting with a group in the nearest large town, and then seeing if they know anyone from your town. LaLaura says: I have found that emailling is better than chats for building a relationship, for example Lynn asks: How so, LaLaura? Ketzer asks: Why is that, LaLaura? LaLaura says: When you meet someone via online chat, and they seem interesting, take it to email for a while. :) Lynn asks: Reasoning? LaLaura says: You can get to know someone much better that way... Cheyain says: email is so good and can afford some a certain measure of privacy Cheyain says: yes Snake says: I've always found realtime stuff to be much better for getting to know someone Amethyst says: also shows more of a commitment in my opinion...talking time to reply and send and all instead of just chatting when both are on.. Amethyst says: taking that is..*laughs at self* Snake says: Email to me, well, it's there, but just to be used when you can't both be on at the same time Ketzer says: I find that Email has its place, but it lack the immediacy and spontaneity of an online chat/scene LaLaura says: Ketzer true, but that's the advantage of email...it allows for/requires more thought Cheyain says: for me email is better because you can pour out your heart and you can't always do that with the time constraints of live chat Joshua wonders if we should discuss safety.. that even with e-mail things can get a bit strange LaLaura says: courtship has it's stages, and that's true for online relationships too RedKitty says: seems like the key here is to do both ..real time and email.... LaLaura says: Chat is for meeting/getting acquainted MistressKim listens to Laura LaLaura says: When you take it to email you can get more serious Prophet asks: How soon is too soon to go to email though? LaLaura says: Prophet once you begin to think about playing online, it's time to email, to open and keep open good communication Voltaire says: E-mail can be composed and proofread and make it hard to see through to the person's true thoughts. Rebecca raises her hand. Voltaire says: You see the 'perfect presentation' of what they want to tell you...not how they feel. LaLaura says: Voltaire, but the chance to thoughtfully communicate can supplement the immediacy of chat, not replace it Crow says: But if someone is a good enough "actor" they can manipulate what you want to hear in order to make you happy without meaning anything they type... Prophet says: Email is a good way to get around the throbbing hormones and let people really think about what they want to say Rebecca raises her hand again. Cheyain says: email can be love letters though...i have gotten a few of those in my time LaLaura says: We will now talk about going from cyber to rl LaLaura asks: How to take a good online relationship the next step? LaLaura says: Physical proximity really helps...I know of few long distance relationships that work Voltaire asks: What about when you find out people are different in RL than online? And they are...always... LaLaura asks: Rebeca, sorry, what was your question? (lost in scroll) Rebecca says: I really just had a comment. Rebecca says: I think that all forms can be beneficial. LaLaura exclaims: Voltaire if you have been defrauded....get out! Rebecca exclaims: And I was wanting to ask if people would be quieter as this is only an hour discussion and you have lots to say! Voltaire says: Well....sometimes the person isn't defrauding... MistressKim smiles at Rebecca. Voltaire says: They just have another side to themselves... Voltaire says: One that only comes out online. LaLaura says: Voltaire, true, the d/s persona doesn't have to be the whole truth about a person LaLaura says: Everybody is a complex individual... the d/s persona is an erotic persona which comes out in erotic circumstances... morganna says: the longer i know someone online, the more i feel like ther person is the same when i meet them irl (if that makes sense) Crow says: But obviously they are going to be different... online allows many people to open up.... express their inner selves without being scorned... public persona is always different... (or mostly) Claudia says: more inhibited LaLaura says: when you get involved with d/s ppl, you eventually meet who they totally are, not just their persona, but their many personas LaLaura says: one thing I love about meeting through clubs IRL is you meet the people, not just the masks they wear LaLaura says: Let's chat about getting together in real life Cheyain raises her hand LaLaura asks: Cheyain? :) Cheyain asks: How do you find places IRL? LaLaura says: Cheyain, it's easier for some folks than others...if you are in a major metro area that helps LaLaura says: On my web site I have an essay about how to start your own group...for ppl without one locally, this may prove to be good reading Lynn says: BDSM is illegal in My state - so net is My only option. LaLaura says: Lynn, that's a tough one, but not impossible Amadeus sighs... For some reason, from what I'm hearing, I should feel lucky that I live near San Francisco, where this isn't exactly unusual. And yet for me the issue is feeling comfortable going to one of the clubs. Lynn says: No, it's not. But I do need to find outlets at least 5 hours away Cheyain says: Thank you LaLaura LaLaura asks: Amadeus, what specifically is the problem there? Amethyst says: the lifestyle can really conflict with my career goals.. Amadeus says: I guess I just don't have the nerve to go by myself to a club like that, not knowing anyone. TheMaxx says: I'll second Amadeus on that one. Kase thirds it Cheyain says: and I'll third it Lynn says: So how do I go from net to rl/ LaLaura says: Amadeus, you might benefit from joining a support group, meeting pals, then going with them to events LaLaura says: In SF try Janus... Amadeus nods... that might work. LaLaura says: You can go first name only or "scene name" indefinitely Cheyain raises her hand again LaLaura says: Lynn, in your situation you may need to develop a unique solution LaLaura says: Lynn, be bold and creative...I can advise you via email :) MistressKim says: ok...Laura has said she'll be glad to go longer than an hour...but for those of you who have only SCHEDULED an hour and want to be able to see her "live in person", I'm asking users to *really* try to keep comments very *very* limited for the next 15 minutes...out of courtesy to the people who scheduled their lives special around this time to get to hear *Laura's* opinions. LaLaura asks: Cheyain? :) Rebecca smiles at MK Cheyain asks: what if there are no places like that where you live? Lynn says: thank you, Laura LaLaura exclaims: Cheyain, again, if you have a tough situation that's unusual, I'm happy to advise via email :) there IS an answer! Cheyain says: thank you again LaLaura says: I have seen many tough situations wrangled into shape, and you *can* take control and get satisfaction. Simon raises his hand. LaLaura asks: Simon? :) Simon asks: Okay, I know a few people like me here are under 21. I'm 20, myself...am I going to have a problem finding a group that won't accept me as an adult just because I can't buy myself a drink? LaLaura says: In general, the advantages of having BDSM pals who know you are not crazy are many... LaLaura says: Simon, in the ULC we accept members who are 18 and up...we are non-alcoholic at our meetings... LaLaura says: many groups are the same Simon nods - and can you recommend any groups around Chicago? :) LaLaura says: Simon, Chicago is really alive...I know of CDG and others...but if you follow the links from my page you'll find more Simon smiles...thank you. :) LaLaura exclaims: the main thing is...do your homework. If you are online, you have a power in your hands...use it! :) LaLaura asks: Anyone? Cludge raises her hand LaLaura asks: Cludge? :) Cludge says: um um.. i'm going to be joining my Mistress in about two weeks.. and am not totally sure of myself.. i'm not sure what my question really is other than how do i stay .. calm.. MistressKim smiles. Crow listens carefully... LaLaura asks: Cludge, hmmm, how well do you know her? Cludge says: well enough to trust her with my life.. Bard seconds Cludge's opinion LaLaura says: Cludge, some things will be exciting no matter what. :) Snake smiles at Bard Cludge am already a nervous wreck *laughs* LaLaura says: Cludge, trust yourself and your instincts. Cludge says: ok.. thank you.. *hands you a rose* MistressKim says: Laura has been kind enough to agree to stay later, for anyone who would like to join her for the ritual after-discussion group munchies... LaLaura smiles Rebecca smiles MistressKim says: For those of you who have set aside an hour...maybe if we ask nicely she'll come back soon. MistressKim exclaims: I know a lot of you have .telled me wishing it were longer! Kase smiles MistressKim exclaims: And THANK YOU very much Laura for your time tonight!!! Crow cheers and applauds... Simon claps! Claudia claps Voltaire exclaims: Thanks Laura! Cheyain says: Thank you MistressKim claps loudly! Kerr nodsnods :) Kase claps Carlynne applauds Voltaire applauds Domaris smiles and applauds.. Thank you, Laura! wild says: Thank you laura Prophet applauds for Laura Cludge stomps her feet and applauds Voltaire nudges his pet. BlackKnight claps quietly Rebecca cheers Voltaire smiles. Snake smiles and claps the same way he did lat time Velvet claps Traveller applauds. Bard applauds Cheyain says: Thank you LaLaura and MistressKim both Hercules cheers CptnJack says: Thanks very much for your time, Laura. :) Cludge chuckles LaLaura bows Crow hoots loudly... Cheyain appaulds as well Rebecca smiles. Lynn smiles LaLaura says: thank you for such good questions :) MistressKim mentions that Laura is also going to provide the URL that specifically mentions how to do your own real life networking from her web page. Bard says: and thank you MK for providing an outlet four interests and a forum for such a discussion Cludge cheers wildly MistressKim says: I'll post that prominently. Cheyain says: Thank you both again Prophet sees a new sign on the door coming ;) MistressKim says: and I think based on the behind-the-scenes discussion that we will be fortunate enough to have Laura visit again to touch on some of the items we didn't get to tonight. Rebecca smiles appreciatively LaLaura says: In general, the essay regarding how to start your own group locally is on my essays page (link from main page) Cludge smiles Bambi brings out munchies for everyone LaLaura stands and stretches Kerr smiles.. So you will be dropping by on occasion, LaLaura? :) LaLaura says: Kerr, yes, I love it here :) Kerr smiles, Good to hear that. :) I'd like to talk to you more when you have free time. MistressKim says: We're very lucky to have you visit, Laura. LaLaura says: MistressKim, thank you, I'm flattered :) Kase says: Yes, thank you again. Phoenix nods...Good job LaLaura LaLaura says: Phoenix thanks very much :)