Labels in the Scene
With Mouse

Mouse says: Top or bottom. Switch. But there are others too. we have the generic "do me queen." The "wanna be." And last but not least the HNG. Can anyone think of any others?

Katherine says: gay, lesbian, bisexual. Slut <grin>
Mouse grins at Katherine.. that one's my favorite :)
Mouse says: don't forget het, sissy (i hate that term), and boy(i)

Mouse asks: The question to pose is... other than the obvious.... should the labels really matter to anyone but the people involved?
Katherine says: and there are labels within labels. butch les, lipstick lesbian, etc
Mouse says: Yep... we're full of labels

Mouse picks up the box of labels and watches them all cascade to the floor. Part of the crux, I think is the definition. There are no real standard definitions. I can say I'm a sub all day long, but if it fits your definition of a bottom, then to you, that's what I am. Is it really important that we slap labels on people? Should it truthfully matter to anyone other than the two (or more) people involved in a relationship? I don't think so.

Mouse says: As a switch, I get the tired line of "you're just confused as to whether you're Dom or a sub"
Lavicka rolls her eyes
Mouse says: why does anyone have to be pigeonholed into one or the other
Lavicka says: because it makes those who are more comfy with themselves
Mouse says: I IDENTIFY as a sub most of the time, but it's situational with people. Of late, I've taken to just doing the "i'm neutral"
Katherine nods. and when you're labeled, so to speak, people automatically assume you fit into whatever their definition of the label is
Mouse nods in agreement with Katherine. I have used the terms sub, slave and bottom before all to describe me at different times in my life when I wanted different things. For ME, they are all different types of relationships; but inside I'm the same person
Katherine says: and no one knows who that person is when they hear a label. they don't dig deeper than that label

Mouse says: That's why I've kinda gone with the... talk to me and find out what I am... don't prejudge. I've found that with the exception of IR, folks tend to pigeonhole to the extreme. Take IRC for example. There, you can be Dom or sub.
Lavicka exclaim: and thats it!
Mouse says: switches are confused, and subs are ignored unless someone's subhunting.
Lavicka says: subs on irc are considered up for grabs unless they specify they wear a collar
Mouse says: Exactly
Lavicka says: and up for grabs means 'you will do what i say, youre a doormat'
Katherine nods. Similar to Gorean philosophy.
Mouse grrs
Lavicka says: very

Mouse says: that's one label I forgot "doormat"
Katherine says: you're a slave. you serve me when I tell you
Mouse says: gawd, I hate that one.
Lavicka says: bullshit
Katherine says: when, what and how i tell you even
Mouse says: Yes it is.. pure bullshit
Lavicka says: if i wanna be a doormat, then ill call myself a doormat. not a sub or a slave
Mouse says: They take what they know about submission from books and stories they've read. To those folks, if you're NOT a doormat, you're not "real"
Lavicka says: sorry. i really hate people who think being sub means you do what anyone says, the way they say to do it, when they want it done.
Mouse says: Don't be sorry, Lavicka... I agree with you.
Katherine says: Right. If you don't do what they say you're just pretending

Lavicka hears that alot with my webcam... i dont do what the guys who come into the chat tell me, therefore, i cant be a real sub
Mouse says: I take special pains (and it IS a pain) to explain to them that that's not how it works in the real world.
Lavicka nodsnods i even outlined it on the damn page. they dont get it cuz they dont wanna get it
Mouse says: That's true. I posted an ad on alt.com (yes, I was that desperate) it was the worst decision I've made in a LONG time.
Lavicka says: they arent looking for a sub, theyre looking for someone to push around and prove what big, strong guys they are. if a 'dom/me' walks up to me and says 'do this cuz i say so', my wannabe alarm goes off right quick
Mouse says: What I found was "i'm glad you put up your ad, I like women who are into kinky sex, wanna be my sub"
Lavicka rolls her eyes

Mouse says: I like a description of a play party a friend in California gave. When they go to a play party with friends, they take their toys, put 'em in a pile and everyone just plays. It's not a case of who's dom and who's sub, it's more of a "wanna play?" kinda thing... the labels don't really matter.
Lavicka says: sounds like fun :)
Mouse says: All that matters is that everyone plays safe and has a good time. Folks kinda give me the hairy eyeball when they hear that I'm "bisexual, married, mostly submissive and I have a "real life" collared sub who considers herself to be my slave to a degree.
Katherine chuckles
Lavicka grins
Katherine asks: wow, that WOULD confuse some of those people, wouldn't it?
Mouse asks: Ya really can't fit many more labels in there can ya? :) There isn't one word to sum me up
Katherine says: Nope.
Mouse says: Most folks have the hardest time with the "married" label, believe it or not.

xaveria asks: eclectic?

Katherine says: Yeah.
Mouse says: I prefer "mouse" :)
Lavicka grins
Katherine says: that puts you in the polyamarous category too
Mouse says: Yep.. I certainly am poly too. but most folks can't handle THAT label, even with extra glue
Katherine says: and don't forget sadist/masochist
Mouse says: oh yes.... those too.
Lavicka must be really simple in this area
Mouse says: and you should see them start to twitch when I tell 'em I love USING paddles, but hate having them used on me But I love a good dressage whip does that make me a sadist, or a masochist?
Lavicka says: yes :)
Katherine asks: and can you be both?
Katherine says: a lot of people think you can't
Mouse says: I certainly think so.
Lavicka is
Mouse says: But I'm in the minority I think. And then don't forget "newbie" and "experienced" When does one go from "newbie" to "oldtimer"?

Katherine says: who draws the line you get to cross, who holds the graduation ceremony into "experienced"
Lavicka nods, 'its hard for me cuz ive been here forever.. but rl, i have about maybe 5 hours exp. so my thinking gets muddled alot'
Mouse says: It was a shock here, when Lw and I joined a real life group and realized that next to the president, we had to most "experience" of anyone in the 100 member group. But then again, I've been out of the RL scene for 10 months now (sheesh.. it doesn't feel like it) so does that mean I'm an old newbie? :0

Mouse says: I truly think labels do more harm than good. They force people into an either/or decision with no room for an alternate. I can only speak for myself...I'd much rather be thought of as "that's Mouse" rather than the slew of labels you can attach Yep.. I'm weird :) Deal :) I'm one of those who'd go for the "other" box on those forms . I tend to describe myself as "situational" It just plain depends on the person I'm interacting with. I'm heterosexual and vanilla pretty much with Lw, but with my rave, I'm definitely bdsm and bi :) And who knows... someday if I find the RIGHT person, I might even be an honest to goodness switch, instead of "mostly Dom"

Mouse says: The point I'm trying to make... is when you have the opportunity, try to loook past the labels and see the PERSON.. it might be a more interesting than you think :)

Mouse gets down on her knees and picks up the labels she dropped on the floor.
Mouse says: (now some would say I'm being very submissive here.... I'd call it "scared of Kim" :)
Katherine giggles
Lavicka grins