Planning and Executing A Group BDSM Ritual

Presented at BR99 by Col. D.B.G. Flaherty, Men of Discipline MD
Reprinted with his permission.  Copyright 1999, Col. D.B.G. Flaherty

I create ritual and sacred space for my own spiritual need, and also the needs of others.  I create sacred sexual ritual as well.  We can take conscious control by learning how to think "ritualistically" and how to build a "ritual mind-set."  We can reclaim our individual power and our divinity simply by recreating our own rituals of meaning and identity.  By renewing our sexual and spiritual rites, we empower ourselves to expand and explore.  In liberating ourselves from self-perpetuating repressions, we regain the perspective and the freedom to make sense out of the untruths and senselessness.
Ganymede, Sacred Passages and Radical Sex Magic (Leatherfolk)

What do New Age leathermen do in search of ecstatic and transforming scenes?  What do we seek?  . . . Some of us have been learning how to harness the "hurts so good" feeling through the refinement and control of both physical and mental stress usually in an erotic, ritual setting or context.  More specifically, bondage and SM techniques are used to stress the body, while dominance and submission are used to stress the mind.  When done correctly, the ecstatic transformation occurs.
Guy Baldwin, A Second Coming Out (Leatherfolk)

The use of ritual, rites of passage, initiatory practices--the ordeals of shamanic training and those of SM are similar, as are many of the underlying motivations.   Through the meditation of a long, slow whipping, for instance, a profound experience is achieved.  An induced altered state changes the nature of pain and one's ability to bear it.  SM can be considered an ongoing process of initiation, seeking new experience and self-knowledge.  SM has been my path to shamanism, SM is my ritual and my worship.
Stuart Norman, I am the Leatherfaerie Shaman (Leatherfolk)

You describe SM rituals as playing with holy fire.  What do you mean by this?   The SM experience is a kind of crucible in which I place myself, where I hope that my own impurities and illusions are somehow burned away.  The experience is often--but not always--the opportunity for me to alter my own state of consciousness, and have a higher kind of awareness about the way my world is, my place in it, and the relationship between all things.  So for me the SM experience can function as a lens through which existence becomes focussed, clarified, refined, and revealed.
Guy Baldwin, Reclaiming the Exiled Self (Gay Soul)

What is Ritual?

Ritual is a basic human language rooted in man's social nature and pervading his social environment.  (Aidan Kavanaugh, OSB)

Ritual is a statement in metaphoric terms about the paradoxes of human existence.   (Christopher Crocker)

Ritual is concerned with relationships, either between a single individual and the supernatural, or among a group of individuals who share things together.  To speak of ritual is to speak of patterns of human behavior.  (Margaret Mead)

Ritual is a recognizable and repeatable form of activity within which innovation is possible, and which is transformed only rarely at a peak of creativity.  (Patrick Quinn)

Working Definition:

Ritual is a set series of symbolic actions affecting the five senses that are undertaken to achieve a particular aim or effect on individuals or groups.

All ritual is communication.  As communication, it speaks to our minds, and spirits, and intuitions by means of words, sights, sounds, and smells.  (Edward Fischer)

The Purpose of Ritual

Rituals deepen psychic and spiritual awareness.  Our inner selves or subconscious needs ritual and ceremonial behaviors in order to mark and acknowledge significant events.   Rituals are an expression of the human need to belong.  Ritual can have the following functions and/or effects:

Therapeutic Rituals
Therapeutic rituals refer to BDSM scenes that involve bonding, catharsis, empowerment, healing, reconciliation, and other conscious choices to modify behavior or feelings.   The goal of ritual BDSM therapy is not to compete with, pretend to be, or supplant licensed therapists.  It is instead an exploration of the fact that loving, caring players often do help each other overcome trauma and challenges, and often do help each other strive for behavioral changes and improvements in their lives.

Reinforcing Positive Self-Images and Insights into Oneself
For many people, the intensity of BDSM rituals creates an environment of extremely intimate communication, connection, and trust between the partners.  The experience of such intimacy alone is therapeutic for many people.  Often therapeutic BDSM rituals go no further than that--the reinforcement of the feeling that one is loved and is capable of love, no matter what one's flaws or previous experiences of life.

Behavioral Reform
Some kinds of therapeutic BDSM rituals involve behavioral reform.  Perhaps the players want to effect an improvement in behavior or lifetime goals.  For example, the players may wish to learn to set better priorities in life or adhere to specific disciplines in their daily lives.

Initiations
BDSM Initiation rituals are designed to help a person or persons pass from one state into another, from being a non-member to a member; from feelings of inadequacy to adequacy; from adolescence to maturity.

Ecstatic or Altered States of Consciousness
BDSM rituals often include the actions that induce altered states of consciousness and ecstasy, which is a "complex emotion containing elements of joy, terror, triumph, surrender and empathy."  (Terrence McKenna)

Celebration
BDSM rituals can be used to celebrate an occasion (collaring or contract), anniversary, rite of passage (achievement, death, etc.), holidays, holydays, seasons or whatever theme the participants wish to commemorate or honor.

Resource for Creative Rituals:  FTP directory /pub/religion/neopagan/Rituals at ftp.lysator.liu.se

BDSM Ritual Components:

1. Presider
   The Presider is the person leading the ritual who has the responsibility to guide the group so that the physical, psychic, and emotional attitude of the group members is in some way altered.  Without these alterations, a ritual may become shallow or even meaningless.  The Presider ensures that the ritual structure and format is followed at a smooth pace.  The Presider, who may or may not be the lead Sadist in a group BDSM ritual, articulates the theme of the ritual, sets the mood and directs the ritual.   It is the responsibility of the Presider to provide leadership, structure, and theme enhancement.
2. Lead Sadist
   The Lead Sadist facilitates and directs all BDSM activity during the BDSM ritual and ensures safe, sane and consensual use of BDSM techniques.  The Lead Sadist, who oversees any junior sadists participating in the ritual, works to ensure that each masochist is totally engaged throughout the ritual in accordance with their expressed limits and desires.
3. Masochist(s)
   Every BDSM ritual requires at least one masochist, and may have a group of masochists, all of whom are directly under the care of the Lead Sadist with assistance from the junior sadists.  The ritual is developed according to the express limits and desires of the masochists (i.e., if none are into piercing, piercing cannot be incorporated into the ritual action.).
4. Ritual Theme
   Every ritual has a theme, which denotes why the ritual action is taking place.   This Statement of Ritual Intention, which should be spoken out loud prior to getting to the meat of the ritual allows everyone to focus on why they are part of the ritual.  In some cases, you may find that the participants have other ideas than the leadership.  When formulating the statement of intention, keep in mind:  why you are here; what you intend to do; how you will do it; who will do what; and when you will know that you have accomplished your purpose.  The theme is usually determined by the group or may be the special request of a group member.  The theme has to be evocative for all participants and should resonate with each person's personal life experience.
5. Ritual Actions
   There are two sets of ritual actions which need to be considered in a BDSM group ritual:  the actual BDSM activities (i.e., flogging, piercing, cutting, branding, mummification, hot wax, etc.) and ceremonial rituals (anointing, ablutions, libations, etc.).  Both sets of ritual actions need to be determined in consultation with the participants and will usually consist of common denominators.  The Presider and Lead Sadist are responsible for determining the array of ritual activities that are acceptable to the group.

Example Ritual Actions

6. Ritual Structure
   Based on the selected theme(s) and the acceptable list of ritual actions, as well as volunteers to take lead roles as Presider and/or Lead Sadist and Masochist(s), a ritual structure is developed to lead the group through the thematic ritual actions to meet the desired ends.  Most rituals have a simple basic structure that is a common denominator for  most BDSM rituals:
   
   There are three basic phases of ritual.  Before the ritual, a person may feel that daily life is mundane and that there is something else to life:  the sacred and the profane.  The second phase is during the ritual itself.  It is a liminal period, where a state of limbo and/or confusion may occur, and it might extend beyond the ritual.   The final phase of ritual is a new state of being or awareness, where people describe a feeling of being connected to something beyond themselves; of some thing or some thought that can improve them and their lives; and of having learnt something more about themselves.  It could be described as a new form of reality for that person.
   Trevor Jacques, On the Safe Edge
   
   The Three phases are:
   1.  Setting the ritual mood - creating the ritual space - Statement of Intention
   2.  Conducting the ritual sequence - the liminal or threshold experience
   3.  Floating and communion, and aftercare.

7. Ritual Setting
   The creation of ritual space includes, but is not limited to:  defining the ritual space (casting the circle, burning herbs or incense, setting the mood, walking through the dungeon), designating the ritual sites (an actual altar, bondage board, bed, St. Andrew's Cross, tree, etc.) and conducting any warmups, community building, or centering exercises done before the main enactment of the ritual.  You must let the inner person, the subconscious, know that this place is different.  This place is special.  Different laws apply here.

8. Ritual Objects
   Ritual objects are the tools of the craft.  Any object used in ritual is a ritual object:  candles, floggers, sharps, St. Andrew's crosses, oil, alcohol, clothing, boots,  your entire toy chest.  You might also incorporate items like:   items of significance to the participants, fetish objects, religious objects, etc.

Questions to Consider in Planning and Executing a BDSM Group Ritual

Clarifying the Intention (Inspiration)
- What is the inspiration for this ritual?
- What type of ritual is it?
- What effect do you want this ritual to have, and on whom?
- Clearly state the intention of this ritual.

Planning (Creation)
- What symbols and ritual (BDSM and ceremonial) actions are you using in this ritual?
- Write out a draft of the ritual itself.
- Logistics:  Write out dates, times, deadlines, what needs coordination, and who needs to be contacted.
- Make a shopping list of materials you need.
- Determine if you have sufficient sadists and masochists to carry out the ritual as conceived and be prepared to make ritual alterations according to the express limits, desires and experiences of the players.

Emotional Process (Deepening)
- What feelings or issues have been brought up by the preparations you've done so far?
- Have any ethical questions arisen?  Is there any way this ritual could hold negative intention for anyone?  How?
- What limitations (money, space, time) have you encountered?
- Working through these feelings, ethical issues, and limitations, what adjusts, if any, need to be made to your ritual plan?

Physical Preparation (Action)
- What else needs to be coordinated?
- What materials need to be gathered?
- Details for arriving with helpers and checking that you have everything you need.
- Cleaning the physical space: What needs to be done, when, and by whom?

Manifestation:  Creating Sacred Space (action)
- What objects and actions will you use to clear and dedicate the space?
- What emotions do you need to clear from yourself?  How will you do this?
- How will you center yourself?
- How will you ask for guidance in conducting this ritual?

Setting the Mood (Deepening) and Declaration of Intention (creation)
- What objects and BDSM and ceremonial actions will you use?
- Music, sounds.
- Poetry, speech, silence, and role-playing.
- What will these things inspire in the participants?

Closure (action)
- With what gifts will the participants leave the ritual?
- How will you acknowledge these gifts?
- Music and sounds to enhance the gift and mark the ending of the ritual.
- Actions and objects to mark the ending.  How will the participants leave the dedicated space?

Grounding/Completion Breakdown of Sacred Space (action)
- What is left to be done?  (Removing ashes, blood, bodily fluids)
- How will you release the dedicated space back to normal space?
- Emotional completion:  How will you express thanks?
- When will you break down the ritual space, put things away, and clean up?  Who will help?

Emotional Process (Deepening)
- Did you experience any strong physical sensations during the ritual?
- What emotions were raised?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- How does your emotional experience relate to the myth enacted in the ritual?

Evaluation (creation)
- What worked and didn't work effectively?
- How impactful was the ritual to those involved?
- If you were to do this ritual again, how would you improve it?
- What new ideas or insights did you gain about the nature of ritual?

Integration (inspiration)
- How were you inspired by this ritual?
- How can you use this inspiration to create change in yourself?
- What form do you imagine these changes can take in the world?
- What actions can you take this week to manifest this inspiration?

Group Ritual Demo
- Theme:  Bonding
- Players:  Select Presider and Masochist
- Ritual Objects:  candles, incense, oil
- Ritual Actions:  hot wax, laying on of hands
- Ritual Structure:
    a.  Strip Masochist to briefs.  State Intention.
    b.  Masochist lays on plastic.  Incense.  Everyone rubs masochist -  laying on of hands.
    c.  Everyone anoints Masochist with oil.
    d.  Write your name on Masochist with hot wax.
- Closing:  Group Hug.  Masochist shares reflections of desired.

Select Bibliography

Cass, Paul and Penny.  "The Creative Rituals."  http://cavern.uark.edu/studorg/stpa/creative.ritual.html, 1994

Jacques, Trevor.  "Spirituality & Ritual," On the Safe Edge:   A Manual for SM Play.  WholeSM Publishing, Toronto, 1993:  pages 54-58.

Mains, Geoff.  Urban Aboriginals:  A Celebration of Leathersexuality.   Gay sunshine Press, San Francisco, 1984.

Shaughnessy, James.  The Roots of Ritual.  Williams B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, Grand Rapids, MI, 1973.

Silvers, Amanda.  "An Intimate Look at Ritual Pain."  http://www.sexuality.org/l/religion/wilarp.html

Taormino, Tristan, and David Aaron Clark.  Ritual Sex.  Rhinoceros Press, Masquerade Books, New York, 1996.

Thompson, Mark.  Gay Soul:  Finding the Heart of Gay Spirit and Nature, HarperSanFrancisco, San Francisco, 1995.
    Leatherfolk:  Radical Sex, People, Politics and Practice, Alyson Publications, Boston, 1991.

Presented at BR99 by Col. D.B.G. Flaherty, Men of Discipline MD
Reprinted with his permission.  Copyright 1999, Col. D.B.G. Flaherty