CptnJack glances at Babie and frowns, then settles in next to her and eagerly waits for the discussion group to begin. :) Blag waves to ancilla Babie grins at Ancilla Ancilla says: Hello Babie silently reaches up to Jacks pin as she waits LaLaura smiles a friendly welcome Domaris exclaims: Hello, all, and welcome to tonight's discussion group! Domaris exclaims: IronRose is pleased and proud to welcome the lovely Laura Goodwin, founder of the United Leatherfolk of CT.. we enjoyed her talk so much last time, we just had to have her back! Minerva pats a place for Hawg LaLaura bows HawgRider sits beside her Minerva snuggles against Hawg Domaris asks: Please .read the board.. it's formal discussion rules tonight, so keep emotes down and use ? to make a comment or ask a question.. Domaris smiles to LaLaura.. take it away, Laura! LaLaura exclaims: OK! :) LaLaura says: we're talking beginnings and endings... LaLaura says: I don't care how long your relationship lasts... ;) LaLaura says: My philosophy is that how you start and end is as important as what goes on in between. LaLaura says: there are basic guidelines I can offer, and I can answer questions as well LaLaura asks: Everybody with me? :) Minerva nods blush nods RedKitty nods Kerr nods :) PurpleFlower nods Rune nods LaLaura exclaims: Great! :) Jeanne nods LaLaura says: This discussion is about RL relationships *in the flesh, BTW*, although online relationships share some rules. quietly excuses herself Blag should find this useful, then LaLaura says: One mistake people make is to mess up the timing. Too fast and too slow are equally bad. LaLaura says: Rushing will miss you steps, or miss you important cues... Rune listens LaLaura says: Going to slow can cause frustration or a loss of momentum Kerr smiles Blag smiles at Laura LaLaura asks: Any questions about that point? :) Kerr asks: ? Blag says: No, it makes sense to me blush asks: ? RedKitty nods LaLaura asks: Kerr? Kerr asks: How do you know if you are going to slow or too fast? Are there signs to tell you that? LaLaura exclaims: Kerr, excellent question. You know by getting to know your partner...aha! LaLaura says: Take time to consider your charmer carefully, before tackling them LaLaura asks: blush? blush says: conicedently..i am moving 20 minutes away from my online Master.... LaLaura says: how convenient :) blush says: how and where should i start.. blush nods..(i hope) LaLaura says: blush, ask for his opinion, and seduce him into it...but always know where the fire exits are blush smiles LaLaura says: Let's talk about fire exits, a cute little term of mine LaLaura says: No matter how much you like and trust a person, keep an out for emergencies LaLaura says: The tendency to hurl oneself unconditionally at a lover must be curbed LaLaura says: I don't care what anybody says...love is not unconditional, and sex certainly isn't Blag nods approvingly at Laura LaLaura says: When you are negotiating for sex or for a LTR, you have to proceed through the steps in the right order. LaLaura says: Develop the ability to clearly indicate what you like and don't like...don't fake anything (but do be considerate and charming) Negotiating in and out is like diplomacy. Rune nods LaLaura exclaims: When we talk about intimate relationships, everybody says "communicate", but that doesn't mean to talk each other to death. Body language counts, but *speak the same language*...be sure you understand each other! LaLaura asks: questions so far? :) Rune grins Rune says: my man tells me to talk human not just female LaLaura exclaims: Rune, good one! actually, men and women communicate differently, but that gap can be bridged Rune nods LaLaura says: The ideal in my mind is that you enter and exit relationships gracefully...some people make this impossible, but you can try. Blag says: Circumstances have a lot to do with whether grace is feasible LaLaura says: The business of getting swept away by passion is suspect...most solid and satisfying bonds are formed more deliberately Blag nods in agreement LaLaura says: Many times these wild passions turn out very badly... LaLaura says: Still, I advise against forming sexual relationships where there is little chemistry...those too end badly. LaLaura says: Like with other things, the sweet spot is in the middle :) LaLaura asks: questions, comments? blush asks: ? LaLaura asks: blush? blush says: what do you mean..the sweet spot is in the middle..(sorry) :) Pharaoh asks: ? LaLaura says: blush, the ideal is a feeling of desire that is not ungovernable. :) blush nods LaLaura says: You do best is you can manage your passion, while still enjoying it LaLaura says: if, that is... LaLaura says: Let's talk specifics LaLaura asks: who here is single and looking...anyone? Pharaoh says: me TheMaxx raises his hands. Amanda raises her hand Kerr raises his hand slightly Blag would prolly fit the bill blush raises a hand LaLaura asks: Phar, you had a question? Pharaoh says: yes I did LaLaura says: Phar, go for it :) Pharaoh asks: doesn't that mean that one should live the relationship with his mind more than his heart? LaLaura says: Phar, all your parts are ONE...do everything with all of you. Pharaoh says: thank you, wonderful answer...:) LaLaura says: I mean that sex is not an animal thing...it's a human thing, for us, and all our humanity must be brought to bear LaLaura exclaims: so, don't leave your head or heart out! :) LaLaura exclaims: You single people are lucky, because you have a clean slate! :) LaLaura asks: What are the issues you want to discuss? kandy curtsies .. then quietly sits Rune asks: ? LaLaura asks: Rune? :) Rune says: Laura i'm moving to the west coast to be live with my bf LaLaura exclaims: aww! :) Rune says: during the 2 visits we have had one of us has been sick....i kinda feel like we understand each other better cause of it LaLaura asks: Rune, what's on you mind as you prepare? Rune says: how am i goign to get everything in my car TheMaxx grins. LaLaura exclaims: Rune, LOL! RedKitty grins Rune says: just missing him and hoping his daughter will like me i guess LaLaura says: Rune, couple of issues there. Item one: don't burn your bridges Rune nods Rune says: i know i can come back here anytime i like Rune says: my family is supportive LaLaura says: item two...let the kid get to know you in her own way... Rune nods Rune says: k RedKitty agrees Rune says: she told her mother on here to tell me she liked me LaLaura exclaims: One other suggestion: make friends and broaden you network there like it's a business! Work on it. LaLaura says: your Rune nods okey LaLaura asks: Rune, anything else? Amanda asks: ? Rune says: no i guess thats it i'm lucky i guess we promised to communicate with each other abotu everything before we got involved LaLaura asks: Amanda? :) LaLaura says: Good luck and bless you, Rune. TheMaxx exclaims: Good luck Rune! Amanda says: lalaura you mentioned graceful exits...how would you go about that, can you give us a few examples of ways to gracefully get out of a situation that wasn't what either of you expected Rune says: thank you *blush* heleva asks: ? (ungracful Exit) LaLaura says: Amanda, when closing the curtain on a relationship, a lot depends on whether you are parting happily Amanda nods LaLaura says: Happy endings are nice, but alas, rare LaLaura says: The more you shared, the more complicated it is to unshare and split Amanda says: a good reason to make that first meeting a lunch in a public place ...very easy to exit from that LaLaura says: If you only got together for a little fun, then that's different than if you were married with kids. Minerva raises her hand LaLaura says: Amanda, when it's time to go, do it in a way you don't have to be ashamed of, basically. Amanda nods, good advice LaLaura exclaims: You don't have to live with them, but you still have to live with yourself! Minerva asks: what about when you are in a relationship and you discovered deceit? LaLaura asks: Minerva? LaLaura says: heleva, you are next, sorry heleva says: Please answer Mins I can wait Minerva says: sorry LaLaura says: Minerva, deceit is a serious matter, since relationships are based on agreements, like a contract LaLaura says: If you can't repair the damage done and renegotiate, then ending the relationship might be all you can do. Minerva nods - that is my thought exactly LaLaura says: trust is like a bubble. Once broken, you have to start all over. Blag nods Minerva says: once that is broken it is almost impossible to rebuild LaLaura asks: heleva? :) Thanks for your patience BlackKnight is looking for cinnamon oil. --- heleva says: I was just going to give a strange example og ungracful breaking up heleva says: of I mean heleva says: My Friend Arrived here this summer with lover in tow heleva says: and he was just sex LaLaura listens heleva says: but he did not realize that that was all heleva says: and he followed her every where heleva says: literally heleva says: she had no privacy or separation LaLaura says: oy heleva says: so after a few days we bought him a plane ticket home and didn't tell him until we drove him to the airport 30 mins before the flight heleva says: we ran him through customs LaLaura exclaims: oy, gevalt! heleva says: but I was really afraid if we had not done that he would have hurt her Blag smiles at her enterprise and imagination heleva says: he had never been on a plan befor LaLaura says: Oh, my goodness...take my advice and you may never face a situation like that again. heleva nods LaLaura says: (scroll back) heleva says: I know it seems extreme but sometimes you are forced to for your safety LaLaura asks: Anyone care to ask a question or make a comment? :) LaLaura says: I will say this: self-defense is good. heleva nosd LaLaura says: Don't set yourself up for danger...take care o good old number one heleva nods in a less dyslexic way Blag smiles at heleva LaLaura says: In the old days getting to know a person was more formal...I'd like to bring some of that back. LaLaura says: And breaking up deserves it's rituals too LaLaura says: In closing: Take care getting in, and getting out of relationships. Give the moment its proper due. Babie smiles a thanks to LaLaura for her discussion and slips out to bed BlackKnight says: excellent discussion Laura LaLaura smiles Belou wishes she hadn't missed it Domaris smiles.. thank you, Laura!! CptnJack agrees. "Thanks very much!" TheMaxx says: Nice discussion... Thanks. blush says: thank you LaLaura :) Amanda exclaims: thank you for tackling a difficult subject laura ...and doing a great job on it! LaLaura says: you are welcome. :) Jeanne smiles heleva nods in agreement for what she was here for Kerr smiles and nods, "Thanks Laura." :) Domaris says: Laura has graciously offered to stay for anyone who has more questions, too.. lashes says: I missed it Kerr says: I've got it logged.. :) Amanda nods sadly at lashes...that you did Pharaoh thanks Laura Domaris sets out cookies and homemade ice cream. lashes asks: will the log be on the web page? LaLaura exclaims: yum! Cookies. :) Blag thinks that would be a good idea Amanda nods to lashes, it will be posted lashes exclaims: thanks! atma smiles and shyly grab some of that ice cream Belou exclaims: Oh good! Ancilla says: After Saturday I believe Blag smiles at Ancilla lashes hugs Katrita to pieces, and puts them back together BlackKnight snaps a leash on heleva Karita hugs lashes into stripes and ties 'em back together with loving care. :) Kerr says: I have a question.. it's somewhat related to beginnings, I suppose :) Belou curtsies..Excuse me please.. Belou says: ooo BlackKnight says: drinks are on me in the lair..for all those that want one Belou waits to listen to Kerr lashes gins. oh, Karita. I love that lashes groans in ecstasy Amanda waves and heads off to bed...thank you laura, and night all Karita grins. LaLaura says: I'll probably go to DL now. Anybody who wants to can email me too. :) lashes says: good night, Amanda lashes waits for the log on the web page