December 11, 1997, 9 PM ET This discussion was a formal discussion, following formal discussion guidelines. MistressKim exclaims: And without further ado...it is Iron Rose's HUGE honor to welcome Gloria Brame, of the "Different Loving" fame! MistressKim claps wildly Aqua smiles & claps her hands Sweetheart claps lacieluv applauds Squire whistles Babie cheers!!! abhaya claps Samuel applads morganna applauds Domaris applauds. Arcege claps and smiles SpanishBeauty claps and cheers Scarlett claps too ;) Amethyst claps blush takes a seat and whips out pen and paper Vee jions in FallenAngel applauds Kerr claps and takes his seat, finger to his lips in a soft Shhhhhh.. :) MistressKim exclaims: Gloria's going to give us some peeks into her upcoming books, and other things she has in the works, and feel free to signal with ? for any questions!!! GloriaBrame says: Hi, folks. First, I'd like to thank you all for coming here tonight to meet me. It's a pleasure to be here. As the lovely MK just said, I am the lead author with my husband, Will Brame, and friend, Jon Jacobs, of DIFFERENT LOVING. The three of us were SMers who all met on-line around 1987-88. At the time, I had founded the first big on-line educational group for SMers on Compuserve. It was called Variations II and I used the handle Mistress Angelique. :-) (Who was known as "the Mistress with a heart") Skip ahead to 1991, and that's when Will, Jon and I decided that we needed to write a book about the topic nearest and dearest to our hearts. What we set out to do with DIFFERENT LOVING was to write a book that mainstream people--people like us, with regular jobs and family lives and friends-- could relate to. See, when I was first coming "out" into SM (around '86) there was precious little material available on our sexuality. Mostly sleazy porn and some high quality but still fantasy fiction... there was no book out there yet which really explained the how's and why's and wherefore's of kinky sexuality. Equally important, in most of the books and magazines, the characters just didn't seem like real human beings, people with deep emotions and real needs. So, to sum up the impulse behind DifLove... it was to put a human face on the real world of SM/fetish sexuality... to show that there were hundreds and thousands of good people out there... who could combine love and intimacy with hardcore kink and sexual slavery. Now--before I move on, I'd like to know if anyone would like to ask a question or make a comment on what Ive said thus far, okay? Arcege asks: ? MistressKim says: Arcege, please go ahead. Arcege asks: Where did you get your list of interviewees? From Compuserve? I noticed a number of online ppl in the book GloriaBrame says: Thanks for the question, Arcege. We used a variety of sources. First, since I was on CIS, I posted queries for interviews both in the section I used to run, plus a variety of other fetish-related areas, and also in the "vanilla" forums where I hung out. Oddly enough, it was my query in the Literary Forum which connected me to someone who told me about this whole new environment that was really opening up called...UseNet! :-) She crossposted my query on alt.sex.bondage, and that resulted in our hearing from a range of SF-based people... (Rob Jellinghaus, Fakir Musafar, Cleo DuBois, Bill Henkin, etc. etc.).... Arcege says: (to note.. usenet was older than most all of them.. it wasn't "new") GloriaBrame says: Next, I was pretty active in the NYC SM scene, so I asked all my friends to spread the word plus Will and I made presentations to a few local BDSM groups (like Eulenspiegel) and, when we moved to Atlanta, we did the same here. Finally, Will (who was in charge of gathering research), sent flyers to about one hundred sm/fetish groups nationwide, soliciting volunteers. Bard asks: ? GloriaBrame says: All in all, I think we talked to about 300+ people, interviewed about 150+, and used 90 + of the interviews in the book. MistressKim says: Bard, go ahead please Bard asks: All the interviewees were volunteers? GloriaBrame asks: Well, no one was coerced. :-) What exactly do you mean? Bard says: I was just curious as to if they received payment for the interviews GloriaBrame exclaims: Oh! No, nobody got paid! Everyone agreed to speak with us for free. Bard smiles... thank you GloriaBrame exclaims: Journalists don't pay for interviews (or they shouldn't, anyway)! Rhapsody applauds Bard smiles and applauds GloriaBrame says: Ms. Kim mentioned earlier that I'm now working on some new projects. The biggest one is a new book I just sold to Simon & Schuster titled: CONSENTING ADULTS: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. Arcege smiles Lavicka perks mslynn smiles GloriaBrame says: Once again, I'm directing my work at the mainstream person. Vee smiles tinkerbell smiles Bard smiles at the title GloriaBrame says: While DifLove was intended to be somewhat academic (to try and give a formerly totally taboo subject in publishing circles an air of respectability) kinky sex is now trendy enough (ack!) that I can write this book in a much more personal style. Instead of being merely an objective observer I'm going to use letters that I've received from readers of DifLove and our website to answer (and reflect on) all kinds of issues that face kinky people... Arcege asks: ? Rusty asks: ? Lavicka asks: ? GloriaBrame says: really running the gamut, from "what is kinky" and "what is normal" to how does one actually go about meeting people, and what to say when you meet a dominant. I'll have special chapters devoted to each of the basic four groups: femdoms, femsubs, maledoms, malesubs and in each I'll address issue of importance to each. Vee whispers cool...... GloriaBrame says: I hope to write in a very accessible, friendly, even funny way... abhaya asks: ? SpanishBeauty can't wait to find that book GloriaBrame says: to try and make more people comfortable with "what it is that we do." GloriaBrame says: I'll take questions now. MistressKim says: Arcege you're first. Arcege asks: You had said a "personal style", did you mean that you would go in depth into the person's character.. or more on your personal views? Arcege smiles a Thank you to MKim :) GloriaBrame says: Thanks again for a cool q, Arcege. I won't analyze anyone's character--but I will share a lot about my own experiences and opinions about this crazy thing called kink. :-) In fact, I'll tell you the anecdote I told all the editors I saw this summer (Here it is: I had gone to the Vault in NYC with my slave, and did a scene with him paddlings, whipping, caning. Afterwards, I was relaxing & sipping OJ when a guy came strutting over to me. He was stark naked, except for a glistening condom poised perkily on his highly erect member. He strides right up to me, leans in and says, "You gonna spank me next?" So I said, "Let me ask you something. Has that line ever worked for you before with a dominatrix?" He said: "No!!" So I said, "And hasn't that taught you anything?" To which he replied: "Well, there's no BOOK on it!" Rhapsody fdl Arcege grins Lynn laffs morganna LOL Amanda chuckles Memnoch laffs MistressKim exclaims: ok, laugh, cuz I'm dying here! momentary pause on the rule against emotes! abhaya rfl Scarlett giggles mslynn chuckles Vee lol Lavicka says: lol mk tinkerbell blush Babie says: ROFL ROFL Babie exclaims: Amethyst giggles softly.. GloriaBrame says: I repeated this anecdote to all the editors (who squirmed, blushed, and giggled uncomfortably) and I promised I would have lots of cool anecdotes like that in the book (plus I'm also going to do a hot list of "Ten Things NOT to Say to a Dominatrix!) Arcege laughs Kerr giggles softly MistressKim asks: Rusty is next. Rusty? Rusty asks: you meantioned web site...the addy in our rescources? GloriaBrame says: The Different Loving homepage is http://gloria-brame.com/diflove.htm That'll take you right to hundreds of free pages of rampant perversion. Rusty bursts out laughing (i'd check but it would prob kill my link) GloriaBrame whistling happy tune MistressKim says: Lavicka, your turn Lavicka asks: i was just wondering...yo mentioned alot of things... will there be anything about having a bdsm lifestyle in a house that involves children... i mean... how to keep things from them but still have a happy sex life? :) Lavicka is wordy as usual GloriaBrame exclaims: YES YES YES, Lavicka! Lavicka says: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS finally!!!!!!!!1 Vee is happy to hear that GloriaBrame says: Precisely. I hope to deal with all the REAL LIFE issues of being into D&S. Arcege smiles Lavicka says: thank you :) GloriaBrame says: I want to have a section on "coming out or not coming out" (to family and friends). SpanishBeauty asks: ? Vee could use that Rusty hugs lavicka GloriaBrame says: Even some thoughts about religious issues and this type of sexuality. MistressKim says: abhaya your turn abhaya asks: Will we be able to purchase advance, autographed questions through Iron Rose? GloriaBrame exclaims: The book will not be out until 1999! So I just don't know the answer to that. Lavicka asks: 99? argh abhaya says: shuckey darners GloriaBrame says: I know--dreadful how slow publishing is. (But I will try to post some excerpts in advance on my website) Arcege shares the sentiment with Lavicka MistressKim says: SpanishBeauty is next, then we'll move on... SpanishBeauty says: i am glad yuomentioned religious issues. I am fairly new to the scene, so to speak, and i was wondering if you deal with people who are d/s and married to a partner who is not interested in that lifestyle. my husband is a religious man and feels it is against his religion SpanishBeauty is embarassed by the length of her question Vee listens intently.... GloriaBrame says: SB, I most certainly do intend to address that whole larger issue of what to do when there is a "kink incompatability" in a marriage or long-term partnership. Personally, I feel that a believer can always find a way to accept kink as a natural part of human sexuality. Bard listens SpanishBeauty nods GloriaBrame says: I would very much like to talk about that in my book. There are a LOT of issues which outsiders do not quite understand but which we kinky folk deal with every day in our lives and relationships. SpanishBeauty says: I would very much like to read about it...thanks MsSoft asks: ? GloriaBrame says: People with unusual fetishes (like infantilists) and crossdressers have relationship issues that I've never ever seen discussed in books. Yet I know those issues strike at the heart of many many lives. MistressKim says: MsSoft, your turn, then we really are honestly moving on. MsSoft asks: Hello Gloria, I basically have two questions. The first is will you address the issue of having a "normal" relationship with your sub, i.e. romantic, in love etc as apposed to just being Dom/sub and caring about each other that way? GloriaBrame says: MS, since that is my own ideal (a D&S relationship that is loving and intimate in "regular" ways too) yes, I do plan to talk about it. MsSoft says: good because many of the Doms I have spoken to don't see how it can exist or why it is important GloriaBrame asks: They can't understand why a submissive would need a complete relationship? MsSoft asks: exactly Gloria, they pass it off as Me being a female that I would want it. The second question is will you have any scene ideas, like some new things to try in a variety of ways ie. CBT, B?D, S?m etc? GloriaBrame says: Yes, I will, though I haven't yet decided how heavy my suggestions will be. I don't think advanced techniques in cock & ball torture will really work with the rest of the text. :-) But I will provide a bunch of suggestions for, um, "D&S Lite" :-) GloriaBrame exclaims: Okay! Now, to alleviate some of the disappointment over the 1999 release of CONSENTING ADULTS, I do have another book coming out in 1998. But this one will be fiction. It'll be a collection of my femdom erotica, titled DOMINA. If you've visited my site and looked through our erotica library you've seen a few of the short pieces that will go into DOMINA. I'm writing it as a kind of "you are there" series of fantasy scenarios: the submissive character is never given a name, just addressed as "you," so that subbie readers may place themselves in my poor groveling victims shoes...IF THEY DARE! ;-) Daedalus Press will publish that book in about 10 months, I think/hope. The stories...well, let's just say, they're Gloria Brame Unleashed. :-) Hardcore SM and unharnessed perversion. With a happy face! :-) Slaze says: now your talking... abhaya asks: ? MistressKim says: abhaya, go ahead SpanishBeauty is saving her pennies for that book abhaya asks: Will we be able to buy advance, autographed copies of that book through the Iron Rose? GloriaBrame exclaims: LOL! MistressKim hides her face in her hands. abhaya chuckles tinkerbell squirms GloriaBrame exclaims: AHEM! I think someone needs a spanking around here. MistressKim says: Sirena, you're next Sirena says: will the first book be easy to comprehend...i know past books ive gotten my hands on where almost like text books, very in depth and complicated abhaya grins with delight and anticipation (she wants an advanced, autographed copy of that book) Arcege smiles down at his abhaya GloriaBrame says: Yes, Sirena, that's my intention. I don't know if you say the cheesy dating guide I wrote for Cosmo (came out last June) but it was VERY reader-friendly... morganna asks: ? GloriaBrame says: I'd like my D&S book also to be something people can enjoy reading. I know DifLove was a tad dry for some people. (What can I say, I'm an ex-English professor!) Okay, I have to announce my final big project or Ms. Kim will keep me in detention after conference... I'm probably not really supposed to spill the beans just yet BUT...I've been asked by THRIVE magazine (which is Time-Warner's on-line magazine) to come in and do a weekly moderated live chat on BDSM starting next month. (January 1998). lashes asks: ? GloriaBrame says: They are going to set up an area in their "health and sexuality" section for kinky issues and I guess I'll be the resident expert. Although I've learned never ever to count on deals until they're done this one is about 99.9% done, so I think it's really going to happen. THRIVE gets bezillions of visitors--so this may open a whole new world. MistressKim says: Morganna, you're next morganna asks: Ok,back tracking a bit, but i was wondering if DOMINA would be mainly oriented towads malesubs or if femsubs would find it equally...how shall we say...intrigueing? GloriaBrame says: Morganna, I should hope they find it...moistening. I've tied up a few tits in my time. Amanda giggles morganna grins...thank you :) GloriaBrame says: Seriously--the erotica will cover all my favorite perversions which I believe is Hm....I believe it's everything in DifLove...and then some! Strike asks: ? GloriaBrame says: I hope even gay men get off on it. morganna says: sounds wonderful :) MistressKim exclaims: lashes, you're next! lashes asks: ok. Does the on-line moderated chat at THRIVE require JaAVA? GloriaBrame exclaims: It better not, lashes! :-) lashes says: thank you GloriaBrame says: Actually, I'm not sure exactly how it works--I don't know how it coordinates with their Website. yikes! did I not mention that this is on AOL!? Sorry! I have to find out, though, if you can participate through their website too. Lavicka hopes so Cheyain hopes so too. MistressKim exclaims: Strike, you're next! Strike smiles. Thank you! On page 256...paragraph two.... GloriaBrame exclaims: AHEM! Strike says: heheh just kidding Samantha laughs Amethyst can't help but giggle at Strike.. Strike asks: Actually mine is more of a comment rather than a question. I love the cover of DifLoving. Might I inquire as to how you found such a great cover? GloriaBrame asks: The cover art? Strike says: Yes please GloriaBrame says: Strike--it's a sad tale, actually. We had ZERO input on the cover art. In fact, I asked them to use a photo image by Todd Friedman (a very fine fetish photographer) for the cover. But they felt my choices were too explicit. So they instead found Doris Kloster (also an exceedingly fine fetish photographer, who had recently done an amazing book of pix for Taschen Press) and it was she who created the image for our cover. I didn't actually see it until they printed the book jacket. Strike nods. Thank you very much Ma'am MistressKim stands up. I'm sorry we're over the time frame...but I'd like to say that Gloria has indicated she wouldn't mind coming back sometime... Vee smiles Amanda says: time flys when youre fascinated MistressKim says: so I'd like to thank her with a huge round of applause, and she'll hang out with us for a few while we all chow down on munchies. lashes applauds and thanks Gloria MistressKim says: if Amanda made the munchies. MistressKim claps!!! Bard applauds Glorida Samantha claps Lavicka claps loudly Arcege smiles.. I, for one, would love it :) Vee claps Sirena claps loudly Sweetheart applauds Babie applauds WILDLY Kerr claps loudly and smiles :) Amethyst applauds Gloria, "Thanks for coming" Cheyain applauds and appreciates this most highly. Jrad claps BlackKnight applauds Amanda runs for the kitchen and scrounges for....anything! lacieluv cheer tinkerbell applauds wildly Arcege applauds and claps :) CptnJack applauds. Voltaire smiles at the guest, and cheers. Scarlett claps and smiles happily.. thank you Gloria! blush says: thank you Mrs.Brame GloriaBrame exclaims: Thank you, all! Very sweet of you. TheMaxx claps.. Thanks Glora Samuel applauds wildly abhaya applauds heartily SpanishBeauty says: thank you gloria Slaze smiles... Rusty clapsnclaps Cheyain says: Thanks you for taking time to be here. Babie exclaims: Thank you so much!! Lynn says: Thank you, Ms. Brame GloriaBrame says: Folks, please call me Gloria or Glory. Aqua says: its been SO interesting..thank you Arcege says: Thank you, Gloria :) Vee smiles at MGloria... thanks Voltaire says: Yes, Ms. Brame...thanks for stopping in. I'm sorry I was too late to participate, but I will surely read the logs, and am currently enjoying your book. Bard says: thank you very much Gloria