Submissive BDSM Play Partner Check List

By Tammad Rimilia

This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

• For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.
• For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.
  • "?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
  • NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
  • 0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
  • 1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
  • 2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
  • 3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
  • 4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
  • 5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
• Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.
• Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".

There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.

				   Experience, Willingness    Notes & Nuances
	                             yes/no,    NO or 0-5
 
 
Abrasion                         :
Age play                         :
Anal sex                         :
Anal plugs (small)               :
Anal plugs (large)               :
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal roles                     :
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)   :
Aromas				 :
Asphyxiation                     :
Auctioned for charity            :
Ball stretching			 :
Bathroom use control             :
Beastiality                      :
Beating (soft)                   :
Beating (hard)                   :
Blindfolds                       :
Being serviced (sexual)          :
Being bitten                     :
Breast/chest bondage             :
Breath control                   :
Branding                         :
Boot worship                     :
Bondage (light)                  :
Bondage (heavy)                  :
Bondage (multi-day)              :
Bondage (public, under clothing) :
Breast whipping                  :
Brown showers (scat)             :
Cages (locked inside of)         :
Caning                           :
Castration fantasy		 :
Catheterization                  :
Cattle prod (electrical toy)     :
Cells/Closets (locked inside of) :
Chains				 :
Chamber-pot use			 :
Chastity belts                   :
Chauffeuring                     :
Choking                          :
Chores (domestic service)	 :
Clothespins                      :
Cock rings/straps		 :
Cock worship                     :
Collars (worn in private)        :
Collars (worn in public)         :
Competitions (with other Subs)   :
Corsets (wearing casually)       :
Corsets (trained waist reduction):
Cuffs (leather)                  :
Cuffs (metal)                    :
Cutting                          :
Diapers (wearing)		 :
Diapers (wetting)		 :
Diapers (soiling)		 :
Dilation                         :
Dildos				 :
Double penetration               :
Electricity                      :
Enemas (for cleansing)           :
Enemas (retention/punishment)    :
Enforced chastity                :
Erotic dance (for audience)      :
Examinations (physical)          :
Exercise (forced/required)       :
Exhibitionism (friends)          :
Exhibitionism (strangers)        :
Eye contact restrictions         :
Face slapping                    :
Fantasy abandonment              :
Fantasy rape                     :
Fantasy gang-rape                :
Fear (being scared)		 :
Fisting (anal)                   :
Fisting (vaginal)                :
Flame play			 :
Following orders                 :
Foot worship                     :
Forced bedwetting                :
Forced dressing                  :
Forced eating                    :
Forced homosexuality             :
Forced heterosexuality           :
Forced masturbation              :
Forced nudity (private)          :
Forced nudity (around others)    :
Forced servitude                 :
Forced smoking                   :
Full head hoods                  :
Gags (cloth)                     :
Gags (inflatable)		 :
Gags (phallic)                   :
Gags (rubber)                    :
Gags (tape)                      :
Gas masks			 :
Gates of Hell (male)             :
Genital sex                      :
Given away to another Dom (temp) :
Given away to another Dom (perm) :
Golden showers                   :
Gun play			 :
Hairbrush spankings              :
Hair pulling                     :
Hand jobs (giving)               :
Hand jobs (receiving)            :
Harems (serving w/other subs)    :
Harnessing (leather)             :
Harnessing (rope)                :
Having food chosen for you       :
Having clothing chosen for you   :
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus) :
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus)  :
High heel wearing                :
High heel worship                :
Homage with tongue (non-sexual)  :
Hoods				 :
Hot oils (on genitals)           :
Hot waxing                       :
Housework (doing)                :
Human puppy dog                  :
Humiliation (private)            :
Humiliation (public)             :
Hypnotism                        :
Ice cubes                        :
Immobilization			 :
Infantilism                      :
Initiation rites                 :
Injections                       :
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Interrogations                   :
Kidnapping                       :
Kneeling                         :
Knife play			 :
Leather clothing                 :
Leather restraints               :
Lectures for misbehavior         :
Licking (non-sexual)             :
Lingerie (wearing)		 :
Manacles & Irons                 :
Manicures (giving)               :
Massage (giving)                 :
Massage (receiving)              :
Medical scenes                   :
Modeling for erotic photos       :
Mouth bits                       :
Mummification                    :
Name change (for scene)          :
Name change (legal, permanent)   :
Nipple clamps                    :
Nipple rings (piercings)         :
Nipple play/"torture"		 :
Nipple weights                   :
Oral/anal play (rimming)         :
Over-the-knee spanking           :
Orgasm denial                    :
Orgasm control                   :
Outdoor scenes                   :
Outdoor sex                      :
Pain (severe)			 :
Pain (mild)			 :
Persona training (in scene)      :
Personality modification (RL)	 :
Phone sex (serving Dom)          :
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends):
Phone sex (commercial provider)  :
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent)             :
Plastic surgery                  :
Prison scenes                    :
Prostitution (public pretense)   :
Prostitution (actual)            :
Pony slave                       :
Public exposure                  :
Punishment Scene		 :
Pussy/cock whipping              :
Pussy worship                    :
Riding crops                     :
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Rituals                          :
Religious scenes                 :
Restrictive rules on behavior    :
Rubber/latex clothing            :
Rope body harness                :
Saran wrapping                   :
Scarification                    :
Scratching - getting             :
Scratching - giving              :
Sensory deprivation              :
Serving                          :
Serving as art                   :
Serving as ashtray               :
Serving as furniture             :
Serving as a maid                :
Serving as toilet (urine)        :
Serving as toilet (feces)        :
Serving as waitress/waiter       :
Serving orally (sexual)          :
Serving other doms (supervised)  :
Serving other doms (unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term)  :
Sexual deprivation (long term)   :
Shaving (body hair)              :
Shaving (head hair)              :
Skinny-dipping                   :
Sleep deprivation                :
Sleepsacks                       :
Slutty clothing (private)        :
Slutty clothing (public)         :
Spandex clothing                 :
Spanking                         :
Speech restrictions (when, what) :
Speculums (Anal)                 :
Speculums (vaginal)              :
Spitting			 :
Spreader bars                    :
Standing in corner               :
Stocks                           :
Straight jackets                 :
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)     :
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)  :
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)        :
Strapping (full body beating)    :
Suspension (upright)             :
Suspension (inverted)            :
Suspension (horizontal)          :
Supplying new partners for Dom   :
Swallowing feces                 :
Swallowing semen                 :
Swallowing urine                 :
Swapping (with one other couple) :
Swinging (multiple couples)      :
Tampon Training (in ass)	 :
Tattooing                        :
Teasing                          :
TENS Unit (electrical toy)       :
Thumbcuffs (metal)		 :
Tickling                         :
Triple penetration               :
Urethral Sounds (metal rods)	 :
Uniforms                         :
Including others                 :
Vaginal dildo                    :
Verbal humiliation               :
Vibrator on genitals             :
Violet Wand (electrical toy)    :
Voyeurism (watching others)      :
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)    :
Video (watching others)          :
Video (recordings of you)        :
Water torture                    :
Waxing (hair removal)		 :
Wearing symbolic jewelry        :
Weight gain (forced)             :
Weight loss (forced)             :
Whipping                         :
Wooden paddles                   :
Wrestling                        :

Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.

I started with a much smaller checklist which I found at the marvelous SFPSE site http://www.sexuality.org/ftpsite.html at The University of Washington, specifically http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/checklst.txt , and then expanded. I hope you find this enlarged version useful. I'm delighted that SFPSE at UW has accepted back my contribution of an earlier version of my enlarged edition, so my version is now the "standard" one. A little detective-work turned up that the original checklist was written by "JillM"; I am indebted to her for originating this useful resource.

A special thanks to those people who have written to suggest something I hadn't thought of; the checklist is better for their contributions! Most prefer to remain anonymous, but I'd like to acknowledge Mistress Kim from Iron Rose, and Lee.

I have placed this document into the public domain, distribution unlimited. Please feel free to share it with friends, mailing lists, etc. If you make a copy, a link back to this page is always appreciated. The master copy can be found in [master location no longer available]

Iron Rose Note:  This is, of course, a copy of Tammad's list.  It was his wish that it would be public domain.  All text above was his, on the original list.  Tammad's passing was a sorrowful loss for the leather community.