Art of the Tease - Online Scening
with Kristine

Kristine says: Tonight's topic is: The Art of the Tease. Exciting your partner using your computer and their imagination, incorporating common items found around the house, and prolonging a tease to drive your partner wild. Obviously, we're going to focus on online, not "real life"

Kristine says: I'm sure everyone has different ideas about this topic- I'm going to mention some to start us off, and give my own experience :) This particular area is one of my main interests in online scenes, and I have quite a bit of experience online... but I'd still love to hear what other people have to say! First, one difference I have found... bdsm scenes in general tend to focus a lot of physical sensation. Typed out, a spanking isn't *quite* the same as experiencing it irl! With teasing, it's a bit different. Teasing works wonderfully online, because it's very mental. It works off the emotions and desires of the person being teased, and what they are *imagining* will or might happen next. Anticipation is your friend. <grin>

Kristine exclaims: The goal of a tease, to me, is to work with my partner's mind and his individual turn ons to drive him wild! :) So, I'm going to share a few of my own secrets.. so shhhh ;) just between us, okay? :)

Kristine chuckles... so for starters, how does it *work*? What do you *do* already? I think the first thing is to know your partner, or at least know *about* your partner. I'll give you a for instance. I like bondage. I respond differently to different *types* of bondage scenes. One type of scene might be the one we're probably all familiar with "type 'em up and tease 'em and leave 'em feeling helpless" There really are others, though - for instance, it's possible to do a scene with someone who wants to feel "free" in bondage. So, if anyone has their thinking cap on, wanna give me some idea of what you might do in a scene involving "freedom" in bondage?

kiiara says: freedom of losing total control...

Kristine smiles... yeah, but what would you do or say to make me *feel* that way?

Changeling says: <nod> It can mean freedom to struggle without having to use self-control.

Kristine asks: or to make me feel in control, powerful, free?

Rebecca says: It could give you freedom in that you have no choice.

Emma says: like baby did a bad bad thing... but its ok

Kristine says: The more you break it down, the more there are lots of different answers to the question, based on what the person really likes and responds to. The more you know, the more you have an edge in an online tease scene - though, you work with what you've got. <grin> And probably the way to start is to play with it, try out different things that might enhance the feeling of freedom - however many ways to get there you can imagine, til you hit the one that gets you a strong reaction. <G>

Kristine says: My personal favorite way to do this kind of scene is that mind trip - like doing a spanking scene, telling the spankee how good they are, how they deserve their "reward" etc. In the same way, you can play with bondage, talking about freedom, power, etc- turn 'em upside down, if your partner likes that. The most obvious kinds of touches, then, would be the gentle non-threatening ones, not necessarily directly sexual, that build and build and make your partner beg for more. You could add in comments about how the other person is in control and relaxed, saying things like, "I'm so honored you trust me like this. You have only to say the word and I'll release you... you're safe and secure" etc. You keep trying things, til you get that "bingo!" <grin>

Kristine asks: Can anyone think of more? specifics you might do or say, that would be exciting? Kristine peeks around the room

Rebecca says: We are not going to tell you how to seduce us, Kristine. We are they not *that* easy. ;)

Lavicka would think that would be a good time for grooming.. while they cant wiggle around

Kristine says: the same way that you figure out what might excite you, or might excite someone in that situation with those particular likes/ dislikes - those work for *any* partner, if you know a bit about that person. But what if you just don't know a lot?

Smokey says: I find sharing a fantasy is a great tease

Kristine nods.. sharing fantasies are great ways to excite each other :)

Kristine asks: You met someone, you're really attracted, you don't know WHY they go for bondage, but they do... so what *do* you know that you can use, if you want to tease?

Lavicka has a soft spot for the 'what if we went here.. what would you do?' talks Lavicka loves what ifs

Kristine says: those are also great ways to find out more about the person, and get the information you need to drive them wild :)

Kristine asks: but okay, you didn't do that - what do you know? Well, start with the basics, the "categories" that person is in. For instance, gender, d/s orientation, sexual orientation, fetish interests, other likes/dislikes, anything you *do* know, even if it's general. Obviously, just because *most* men or most women like something, doesn't mean they all do. <grin> But there are some pretty common traits that tend to work - like most men, in a general sense, tend to be more excited by what they see. At least absent a relationship. <grin> But if you know what the *group* likes, you can play with some stuff, and see how the *individual* responds.

Kristine says: If I'm with a guy, for instance, I might undress and describe how I look, and see what kind of response I get. If I'm with a lady, I would probably undress *her* and my focus would be more on her and the sensual aspects of the moment. Inner beauty, soft skin, that kinda thing. ;) There's a reason this stuff sounds like a cliche - cuz it's largely true for a lot of people. <grin> It gives you a starting point.

Kristine says: Now, both scenes will work for both genders - it's a question of focus. My *personal* experience here - I've found I can talk about a man's strength, or the roughness of his beard, whatever - but I don't dwell on it. Another gender difference... It actually is possible to have a very exciting scene with a woman without going below the neck. <grin> Yes, really. :) With a guy, the reaction tends to be "oh, that's nice." <bg>

Kristine asks: Why mention all this stuff? Again, it gives you a starting point, and gets you focused on your *partner* - if you want to tease successfully, that's who you focus on. Can you be the mean-ass dominant who controls every detail and keeps the scene exclusively about his own likes/dislikes (or hers;) -sure! But if your partner doesn't get wildly excited about it, in terms of teasing, you fail. :)

Kristine says: It doesn't actually matter who is in control, in terms of teasing - it's not a d/s specific activity, in *my personal* experience. If your mileage varies, that's great! :) But what I find is, if you're focused on your partner, you can tease in either role. Prolly comes from being a switch. <grin> Dominants (and here we go again, talking in general) tend to thrive on being in control. You can use that to tease them, too. :)

Kristine asks: From the simple stuff, like telling them how wild their control makes you ;) - which can be surprisingly effective, wouldn't you say, those of you who are dom/mes? Be honest now. ;)

kiiara asks: do Dom/mes like to be teased?

Dmaster grins and has to admit to that

Kristine whispers to kiiara.. most of them, but you have to be careful ;) shhhh, don't tell okay?

Kristine says: You can tease about as far as they let you tease:)

kiiara smiles kiiara says: of course :)

Changeling nods.

Kristine says: but if you're good at it, and they like it, you can definitely get away with a lot. And if you're thinking, hey, but I'm the dominant! I'm in control - what's all this about focusing on the sub?? Kristine points out the dom's discussion groups in the schedule <bg> Seriously, though, this is one area where if you're good enough at teasing your partner, you just about own them - d/s aside.

kiiara asks: just about?? try completely if your good enough at it :)

Kristine grins at kiiara... hey, I need to use *some* tact here ;)

Kristine says: Tto reiterate - the focus of a good tease scene is always your partner, in my humble opinion. So that's the point I'm approaching the discussion from. <grin> If you don't *like* what your partner wants from you, you probably won't have as exciting a scene, or to be able to really make them wild and be excited yourself. Maybe others have had a different experience here, but I find that as excited as I can make someone else, if I don't *like* what they like, it just doesn't get *me* as excited, no matter how excited they get. And I think that can seriously take away from any continuing scening - certainly from teasing, for me personally.

Kristine says: Back to the categories for a minute. Can you think of other ways this might be effective, or where some common information can give you a place to start with a new partner?

Sisyphus says: well, sometimes with details they may reveal about their life... for instance where her bed is, how her sheets feel... yeah, details

Kristine exclaims: and obviously, this is going to take some thought and imagination - just try coming up with an hour of talking a whole scene above the neck, or the other examples. <grin> Not always easy! I personally think trying to find different ways to do the same thing is fun, though. :) Kristine nods.... and what do you do with the details, Sisyphus? :) you can tell us - we won't give away any of your secrets ;)

Sisyphus smiles and peers around first.

Kristine makes the "zipped lips" gesture :) Kristine throws away the key! :)

Sisyphus says: i try to incorporate them into a given scene, i guess... but in their proper context.. for instance, if i'm told her sheets are satin, then i'd use something about the feel of them in her skin... or, if say, she had a hellish day at work... then i'd focus first on babying her, giving her something she deserves, etc.

Kristine says: incorporating real world details can go a long way into adding more realism into an online scene, and making it more exciting for your partner who can picture it more clearly. There are different ways to use details, though This tends to come into the category of "spank yourself with your hairbrush" scenes, imo. You use real life objects, directly in an online scene. You can vary the degree of control over how the object is used, how often, how hard, etc You can also add an online scene around it in different ways Instead of just giving the orders, you can have the person copy irl what you talk about online. You can also say "imagine I'm ..." while they echo it irl. There's a subtle difference there that can make for some very different scenes. I tend not to do those scenes often, cuz I like more of a mental mind-fuck kind of aspect to a scene. <grin>

Kristine says: One thing I do find neat is to use other objects to simulate things that 'aren't the same. Perhaps it's jus that my mind works that way. <grin> This is a great area to be creative - like using something soft and slightly damp, like panties for instance, to simulate a tongue. If you do a scene involving licking, while your partner is using that particular object, it can sometimes have a very strong effect - there is just enough *difference* that it requires some imagination to make it work. <G> So obviously, this is not going to work well if you're with someone who isn't into that. A lot of people don't seem to be - depends on the person. which is back to that first rule about knowing your partner. :)

Kristine says: another area that can be important in a tease scene is pacing. This is probably one of the other best friends of a tease, along with anticipation. When to linger over details, but not too slow! When to be relentless, building upon one exciting detail after another. What you say, when you say it, and how you say all go into this. It's things like how long your lines are when you type them in. Shorter lines read faster, and speed up a scene. Longer lines slow things down. More detail slows things down.

Kristine asks: Anyone think of more "pacing" things like that?

Rebecca asks: Adding actions rather than just talking?

Kristine says: Just waiting for a response is something that sometimes you don't realize you're doing. Kristine nods to Rebecca.

Kristine says: If you skip that response time, and type over the time where you'd wait for the response, it can also be pretty powerful. This is a good point about these sorts of "tricks" we use online.

Kristine says: If your style or way of typing something is distracting to your partner, no matter how effective it is to everyone else, you're most likely blowing the scene with that particular person - if you haven't already. <grin> So one good thing about being aware of this kind of stuff, if you do notice a problem, you have some things to try to "fix" to help things along. The easiest way is still to just *ask* - usually in a .t Though sometimes you can pick up from your partner what's gone wrong. Maybe the person is fidgeting, and you've just been going slower than their current state of arousal. Type faster or use shorter lines. <grin> A lot of the time, it really is that simple. Or maybe there's a word they just don't like, or a way of typing.

Kristine says: But back to pacing If you can match the pace of your typing to their arousal level, that can often help you to prolong a tease., I am not too sure I know *why* some of this works - a lot of it I just go by instinct. <grin> But some real simple things- the closer the scene gets to your partner's orgasm, it's usually better to type a little faster. often just by taking out those breaks where you pause for their response will do it. Once you match that, you can mess with it. <grin>

Kristine says: you're no longer just arousing them by *what*you say, but you're adding extra strength by the way you say it and the speed you say it. and if you delay the orgasm, you have a really easy way to do it. if you take the scene to orgasm, it always can help a lot to be in synch like that. <grin> No one is exciting right from the beginning 100% of the time. All the "tricks" in the book are meaningless if you're not listening to your partner, and responding to what that individual likes and doesn't like.

Kristine says: to tease well, you really have to convey what the other person wants, in a way that is *just* a little out of synch with when they want it, or how hard, or how often, or whatever. :) Sometimes, the easiest people to tease are those who tell you exactly what they want - though, they can also be the most difficult, if you automatically assume you know exactly how they want it and what they get out of it. So don't be afraid to try some stuff, see what happens. :)

Kristine asks: You might think it's kind of weird to use a pillow case, for instance, in some new way, but heck - why not? Words are wonderful things, too, and can be used to work with what your partner wants - just acknowledging it in words, or building anticipation, or in so many ways .